City Of Love

5.

On the way into the office, my head was going everywhere.

Did she know about last night?

Did she know about the drugs, the drinking, Ash?

My heart was racing. I walked up the stairs to her office, took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Come in Ragan" She sounded angry.

"Is everything okay Patty?" I said sitting down in the chair oposite her.

"No, everything is not okay" I sighed gently. This was it, my career was over. Goodbye GloCo, Goodbye England, Goodbye Ash. "I've got a shoot next week for a new line we are launching and the bloody models broken her leg, I can't find someone this short notice"

I had no idea where she was going with this.

"I know it's not your job, but I really need you to step in" Wait, what? She wanted me to model? "you'll be paid extra, please say you'll do it Ragan"

So heres me, thinking I'm about to lose my job, and yet she wants me to model for her.

"Erm, I mean, yeah I guess" I had no idea why those words just escaped from my lips. Me, modelling, what the actual fuck. She told me that she would give me all the details closer to the time, but it was going to be a public display and co worked with other models.

I headed home and just as I headed inside I received an incoming call from my brother.

"Ronan, is everything alright? You never call me" I said worrying. Ronan was my younger brother, only by two years but he was definitely my 'baby brother'

"I just wanted to call to see how my favourite fashionist is" Ronan was also very openly gay.

——

As I sat on the edge of my bed, my brother in tears. I was panicking, worrying what he was about to tell me, has something happened with mum? Dad? It was August 2011, just before I was heading off for college. My brother being 15 at the time.

"Ronan please you're scaring me" I started to tear up and took his hand. He took a deep breath in and took a short pause.

"I'm gay Rae" He blurted out, I looked at him with confused eyes. Not because I was surprised, but because he was so scared to tell me. "I like boys"

I smiled and squeezed his hand. "Ronan, I know" he was now looking at me confused.

"What?! How?!" he asked in a worry.

"You've been letting me dress you up in my clothes for how long? Plus you're my baby brother, I just know these sort of things" He started crying even more and pulled me into a hug.

"So you don't hate me?" I laughed.

"Why on earth would I hate you? Now we can compare boys" We both started laughing and then he turned serious again.

"Good, because now I need you to help me tell mum"

— —

"Yeah and I get there and she has only gone and asked me to model for her next week" I semi-yelled down the phone. After explaining the whole situation with the party, and Ash and last night, I couldn't not tell him about that.

After getting his advice and talking for an hour of so, I finally said my goodbyes and hung up the phone.

'Fancy coming over for a pizza and movie night? x' I smiled and grabbed my keys.

Going over to Katie's worried me a little, would Ash be there? Would he say anything about last night?

Oh snap out of it Ragan you're twenty four years old and acting like a kid with a crush.

I rang her buzzer and went on up. There sat in the living room was Katie, Jeremy and a very fine looking Ash. He has a black beanie on pushing his hair back and he looked so goddamn sexy.

I sat down next to Ash and remained silent. When making general conversation with him, I would get blunt replies or one word answers. What is his issue?

We chilled and watched some movies, it was about 1am and Katie was 'off to bed'. I decided I was crashing here tonight because the journey to mine was quite far and I didn't know the streets of London very well.

I moved onto the other sofa and laid down. I didn't bother making conversation because I knew he wouldn't respond. He had put on another film and I pulled a blanket over me, ready to shut my eyes. From in the other room I could hear the faint moaning and bed squeaks. I simple giggled and rolled my eyes.

"Are you awake?" I heard Ash's voice from inside the dark room.

"Yes" I replied bluntly.

"Will you come for a smoke with me?"

"Fine" I wanted to play him at his own game, but even his voice was turning me on.

We sat on the balcony in silence for about two minutes when he finally spoke up. "I'm sorry about being blunt earlier, just got a lot on my mind"

"Do you want to talk about it?" I wanted to be nice, after all, these lot where the only friends I had in London.

"It's nothing major, just work and my mum and other things" he sighed and sparked up another cigarette.

"Well, if you want to explain I'm here to listen"

He explained that arguments with his mum are effecting work, because he also models for the company and that she doesn't hire him as much anymore because of their relationship at home.

"I just hate that fancy lifestyle, that's not me. I like to go out with my friends and party, and in that house I can't even have a shower without already being clean. She just does my head in with all her fancy designers and all her underweight models, like that's not me. I've been modelling with different girls since I was 17, and I just don't think its the right career path for me. That 10 years. But I just feel so roped in that I can't leave"

Underweight models? What would he think of me after the shoot next week then?

"And the other stuff?" I asked, wondering what else could be playing on his mind.

"Quite frankly, you"

You

The word escaped his lip as did those butterflies from my stomach.

The softness in his voice, like it was the gentlest thing he had ever said.

"Me?" I said turning to face him.

"You, Ragan Murphy, I can't get you out of my bloody head."