Cristina

Chapter 13

Saturday morning I am singing and dancing all over my house. I feel like I am smiling more, and I get happy easier.

Today, I will see Cristina again. I get dressed, and I'm ready to leave by 10:30 a.m. I call her and tell her where to meet me. She is there, maybe, two minutes after me.

I want to buy something for myself today. Maybe a new purse and a new pair of heels. We set off to go shop. Cristina is buying things, too. Mostly clothes. By lunchtime, I only have my purse. I can't find the right pair of heels. I suggest we have lunch, so we can give our feet some rest, then we will continue after lunch.

We are sitting in the food court, eating, when I see a familiar person. Oh, God, no!

"Hi, hunny," I am greeted by my mother.

Of all the people that I could meet, my mother is the last one I want to see right now. I get up and hug her.

"Hi, mom. How are you? Where is dad?"

She is already looking at Cristina, smiling.

"First, I think you ought to tell me who this pretty lady is."

I feel a bit uneasy. I hope she won't say anything about love to Cristina. I quickly make the introductions.

"This is my friend, Cristina, mom. Cristina, this is my mother."

To my surprise, Cristina gets up and hugs my mom.

To try and get rid of my mom, I ask again where my dad is. She says he is just waiting in the parking lot. She had come to pick up some food. I am glad my mom doesn't say or ask anything about Cristina.

She says her goodbyes, and she is off again. I wasn't expecting that. I know that she will ask me about this over lunch the following day.

Cristina and I finish our food, almost in silence. By the time we start to shop again, it seems like we both have pushed the incident to the back of our minds.

We are so tired by 3 p.m. that we decide to call it a day. I drop her off at home, of course, getting a goodbye kiss.

I am not even at home for an hour, when my phone rings. I pick up my phone and see that it is my mother. Jeez! I thought she would wait until tomorrow. I know that if I don't answer, she will just keep calling, so I answer.

"Hey, mom. What's up?"

She answers, smartly, "that's what I want to know."

I grit my teeth. I knew it. I knew she wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie.

"Mom, nothing is there to tell. She is a friend."

She takes a pause and then responds, "Emma, I saw the way you were together. She isn't a friend. Gwen is your friend. Don't you think I'm old enough to know the difference?"

I say the only thing I know would throw her off.

"Mom, she is married for goodness' sake."

My mom goes deathly quiet, then speaks firmly.

"Then don't do it. Married, Emma? Is this what you have come to? Messing around with a married woman? There is someone out there for you. You don't have to settle with someone who can't give themselves to you--"

I cut off my mother, "look, mom, I have things to do. I'm not messing with anyone's wife. We are just friends. I will have to go now."

I end the call before my mother can even respond. When I am finally off the call, I can't help but think about what my mom was telling me. She has a point with what she was saying. What if what I am doing only ends up hurting me? Do I even expect anything from this relationship? Right then and there, I knew the answer to that question. I referred to it as a "relationship." I am expecting something. Will she ever be bold enough to be with me? I don't have all the details, but I know enough to know that by the way her husband spoke, it is something unacceptable. I know that it isn't love that brought those two people together, but who am I to judge? Who am I to say anything when I'm the one being played? He is her husband legally. What am I?

Suddenly, after having such a great day, I am in a frustrated and worried state of mind. I wish I hadn't met my mom today. I wish she hadn't called to even make me think of these things. I wish things were easier. I wish Cristina was single because even if I have all these questions, one thing remains, I don't want to lose her. I don't want to give up on us. I want to know her, like really know her. I want to make her happy every day, like how she is happy when we spend time together.

The safe and rational thing to do is to walk away...I simply cannot.