Finding Hope

June 15 3:25 AM

June 15 3:25

The blonde haired boy looked up at her and smiled. "Yes, and were you about to finish yelling at me?" He joked. Hope's cheeks flushed, a bright pink color obvious on her pale skin.

"Why are you playing this early?" Hope sighed, plopping down in front of him.

"Why aren't you freaking out?" Luke asked, causing Hope to snort.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan, but if I get the gig and end up touring with you guys, I guess I should stop with the crazy fan-act."

"Touring? Who are you?" Luke asked, suddenly confused.

"I'm Hope," she said. "And I'm your opening act, if things go well."

"I thought we had a different band, Socks no Shoes or something, playing for us." Luke tried to explain.

"The drummer got pregnant, and she can't be performing while pregnant," Hope explained.

"Oh," was all Luke could say.

"So I've been given a chance to become your support if I get good feedback," Hope smiled. "I'm super nervous, and haven't gotten much sleep. What are you doing out here?"

Luke looked at Hope and smiled. "I'm an idiot. I meant to go out to the garden to play guitar, but I locked myself out. No phone, no key, no shoes, and the boys sleep really heavy."

"Wanna stay in mine? I don't think I'm going to be sleeping much anyways," Hope offered. Luke gave her a small nod.

"Sounds good," he said, getting up. Giving her a hand, they walked to Hope's door, which had been kept open by a door stop. "You're smart," Luke sighed.

"I couldn't find my key at the moment, and I was really angry," Hope admitted. Her phone on the bedside table read 3:30AM. "Just put your guitar by my case over there,"

Luke followed her instructions, and Hope shut the door. She left her spandex on, and climbed back into bed, staying in a sitting position. "Can you open the blinds, please?" She asked Luke, who complied, allowing the full moon's light to spill into the room.

"This bed?" Luke pointed at it, which had a few of Hope's shirts.

"Sorry," she apologized, getting up and moving the clothes away.

"Hope?" Luke asked as he dropped his jeans and hopped into bed.

"Yes?" She asked.

"How old are you?"

"I'm eighteen." She answered, and got back into bed.

"How did you get into music?"

"I didn't have friends."

"You're so nice, why not?"

"I just didn't." Hope replied, feeling herself getting very tired. Maybe she could finally sleep. She put her head on her pillow and faced Luke.

"Do you only play guitar?"

"Ukulele, piano, and bass guitar," she mumbled.

"Hobbies?"

"Not sleeping," she joked. "Why do you wanna get to know so much about me?"

"If all goes well, you go on tour with me," Luke began to explain. "I wanna know if you like your eggs over easy or scrambled, and I want to know if you like your iced tea sweetened or unsweetened."

Hope was quiet for a while. Luke's kindness and genuine interest in Hope as a person both scared and interested her. No one cared about how she liked her eggs. No one even thought about the little things like that besides her mom.

"I like them scrambled," Hope said. Her mom began to flash in her mind again. Hope remembered seeing the way her mother would carefully cut lemons and squeeze them, mixing in sugar and water into the pitcher. "I also don't like tea, I prefer lemonade." Hope didn't hear what Luke said next, because she started crying. Quickly, she got up out of bed and ran into the small closet next to her bed and began to sob.

"Hope?" Luke's soft voice barely made it through the door.

"I am Hope," was all she said.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked, and Hope couldn't stop the words that came out of her mouth.

"I was bullied from the third grade to my junior year of high school. I got teased because I was so pale, and because I was so chubby. I tried to tan, but I always ended up sunburnt, and I have sun spots now on my shoulders. I was teased about being a fat china doll, and I hated it. When I was in the eighth or ninth grade, I starved myself. I threw up after dinner and I hated myself. I still didn't become the picture of perfection in my head. Luke, I don't have a thigh gap: my thighs touch. I don't have prominent collarbones, and I don't have a thin waist. My stomach isn't perfectly flat and I hate every inch of myself.

"My mother died when I was a sophmore and everything spiraled. My dad tried to make everything okay, but it wasn't. Everything in that stupid little town reminded me of my mom, so we moved. We moved to California, and everything was different. I bought all new clothes, and I took up music. Mom and I cooked, so it couldn't have reminded me of her.

"I didn't make friends, I didn't trust anyone. Every lunch, I was out in the courtyard by myself, because I didn't want a repeat of the bullying. People tried to be my friend but I pushed them away. I didn't go to a high school prom, and I never went to a high school party. I've never been drunk, I've never had sex, and I've never even been kissed.

"Luke, I don't know why I'm letting you in, I don't know why I'm nice to you, I don't know how you did it but you did. You're probably not on the other side of the door anymore, and I'm talking to no one because I've scared you off." Hope stared into the darkness. She knew Luke was gone, and she cried some more. "I'm in the closet, because I want to hide from these feelings. I want to hide this ugly part of me. I want to hide the tender part of me. The world gets my calloused heart and strong spirit, and I hide Hope."

Everything was silent, and Hope was sure he was gone until she heard the closet creak a little bit. "Can I come in?" Luke asked. Hope nodded. He pulled her out, and then back in. She sat between his legs and his heart was beating on her back. Hope still had tears rolling down her face.

"You're going to get the job tomorrow," Luke promised. "I'll make sure of it."

"How?" Hope asked, her voice choked.

"I will," he repeated. "And when you hide, I will find you, Hope. You don't need to hide around me, you can be your tender self."

"I don't think you want to be my friend. I'm fat." Hope dead panned and she looked at her hands.

"You, Hope, are not fat. You're curvy, and I like that. You don't have a flat stomach, but who cares? What are you going to do with that stomach? Draw? No. Your thighs don't touch, who cares? That means you've got a nice butt." Luke lectured. "Are you ready to get out of the closet? No more hiding?"

"No more hiding tonight," Hope answered, and got out of the small space.

"I'm always going to find you, Hope." Luke promised. He had no idea what came over him, but it was special. This beautiful girl, who first yelled at him, then offered him a place to stay, had just shown a side of herself Luke guessed she had never shown anyone else, and he felt a beautiful sense of intimacy towards her. He wished he could've been her prom dates. He wished he could've been the one who took her home when she got too drunk. Luke wished he was the one who took her first kiss. Then it hit him. He could do all those things for her. Hope had a shitty childhood, and Luke was going to make it all better.

"Good night, Luke," Hope called from her bed. It was 3:50. Luke was still sitting in the closet. "Thank you." She said, her voice very soft.

"You're welcome," Luke whispered, getting out of the closet and lying in bed, promptly falling asleep.