The Guitar Fic

PREGNANCY, BUTT INFECTIONS, AND MORE GUITARS

They just arrived at the hospital Ryan's butt was bleeding through his pants, and Dallons stomach was expanding really drastically. Ryan, Dallon, and Brendon were all taken back.

"I'm sorry Mr. Urie, Your ball could not be saved," said the doctor.

"Oh dear god, no, no, noooooo," Brendon became really sad.

"And for you Mr. Ross, we are gonna have to get that checked out." The doctor said while pointing to Ryan's butt.

Ryan didn't say anything but instead just nodded and looked down.

"And um, Mr. Weekes, do you know why your stomach is so.... inflated?" The doctor asked, confused.

"Nope. No idea." He responded truthfully.

"Okay well, we'll figure that out I guess. Now, Mr. Ross, if you could step into another room, Please. " They doctor said while he led Ryan to another room, leaving Brendon and Dallon in the other one still.

"Now," He started and closed the goddamn door. "Care to explain why you're butthole is bleeding?"

"I uh, don't know." He lied.

"Okay then, we're gonna have to check you up later, because we first need to figure out what's going on with your friend, Dallon." He responded, taking Ryan back into the room Dallon and Brendon were in.

Dallon was now screaming in pain from the bathroom.

"Mr. Weekes," The doctor asked while banging on the door, "are you okay in there?"

"No," Dallon said practically crying.

"May I come in to see what the problem is?"

"Yes"

The doctor opened the door to see Dallon siting on the toilet with a look of discomfort on his face.

"What kind of pain is it?" The doctor asked concerned.

"Like my shit is too big for me to shit out" Dallon said in pain.

"Can I take a look?"

Dallon nodded while in pain as he turned around and bent over reviling the top of a babies head. The doctor grabbed the head and pulled it out of Dallons asshole. Crying filled the room and Brendon ran in to see the baby.

"Would you like to cut the cord?" The doctor asked Brendon

"Yes," Brendon exclaimed and the doctor handed him the scissors to cut the cord, and he did so.

A nurse came in with a wheel chair for Dallon bringing him to his room and the baby's room.

"Hey, are you okay?" Brendon asked sweetly, the guy did just shit out a child afterall.

"No, why the fuck would I be okay? I just shit out s child afterall." He said Brendon's exact thoughts.

"Well..." Brendon started "Now that it's here, what do you wanna name it?"

"Well, what's the gender?"

"Uh, I don't know, I'll go ask." Brendon said, running out put the room and trying to find the doctor.

He found him, putting a diaper on the newborn. It was weird but we're not going to judge him.

"So uh, he? She?" He asked.

"It's a boy but.. I'm sorry to tell you this... he's not going to make it. He's having heart problems, he has about five minutes to live."

Brendon was sad but mostly just confused. "Why the fuck were you putting a diaper on him then?" He asked, wanting an answer.

He just shrugged and pulled Brendon back into Dallon's room.

"Now, good news and bad news. I'll start with the bad news. The bad news is, the baby isn't going to make it. The good news is, you were actually going to have triplets so TWO MORE BABIES!" He yelled.
*TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY GUITARS*

Only one baby survived. "What should we call her?" Brendon asked.

"How about Kelsey?" Dallon suggested.

"Perfect!"

Now Ryan wasn't doing too good, see the bleeding was getting worse so the doctor grabbed his light blue gloves and put them on with a snap "Bend over."

"W-what?" Ryan managed to stutter as he bent over.

The doctor put his hand in Ryan's ass and got a probe to look inside and see the problem. The doctor saw an awful infection.

"Mr. Ross," he began, "what happened?"

Ryan told the doctor everything in gruesome detail. The doctor was mortified.

"Okay, no milk or guitars anymore. It's ruining your body!" The doctor said concerned.

"Okay, fine," Ryan lied.

Brendon, Dallon, and Ryan all went home the next day. Kelsey would grow up to be an emo rat, and the three of the men would only do the guitar ritual protected and when Kelsey was out of the house.

                              THE END