my friends do not know me. i spend hours upon hours around them yet my largest problems remain unseen.
i keep to myself, which is seen as normal for me. in reality it's to shield myself from facing what i go through. they occasionally pry to get something out of me, but in a way i feel as if i'm shielding them too.
after all, how do explain the most fucked up situations to people who have a good life overall?
the people with parents that are their best friends.
the people with the most picture perfect extended family.
the people who go through school days with minimal effort but maintain a's.
the people who haven't dealt with serious health problems, and have never had to deal with the long term effects.
perhaps i'm only around those who haven't gone through the same because it makes me seem normal too. i can live through the wonderful stories they tell, i can cherish the time spent around their extraordinary families they see as "normal."
they don't have the perspective i do.
my whole life has been fucked up. that's a fact. it's a simple statement that could be seen as dramatic, but that's not my purpose.
i never bring up my haunting past and present. i never forget it either. it's always right there in my mind.
although, it's not really a pleasant evening chat topic to bring up with anyone. my bluntness and simple insensitivity also tends to throw people.
so, i keep to myself.
s.d.
