My Stepfather

Seventeen.

The slam of the front door caused my body to jolt and I snapped back into reality. My mom's voice echoed through the house and I stared up at Elijah with panic and fear. I pushed him away from me as far as I could and ushered him to get out of my room. This was the reality. Whatever I felt a few minutes ago whilst being cradled in the arms of the only calm in my storm right now had to disappear. I couldn't have him and I didn't want to know what would happen if I did.

I slowly closed the door in his face and retreated back into my own bed. I had forgotten all about her. From last night all the way to this morning, I had forgotten what it was like to be living the way I always had. I knew what it felt like to finally let go of all that responsibility and just be the girl that could let go of everything and just be free, like everyone my age who didn't have to worry about the things I did. What I wasn't going to do was let myself hold onto that feeling and give myself this sense of hope that things were going to one day be that way. I would be stupid to hold onto that hope.

I had to let Elijah go. Even though he wasn't mine to hold in the first place I had to let him go. I couldn't let this build in my hollow heart. I couldn't let myself feel no matter how much it made me feel alive. And with a tear running down my face I let go of any remaining feelings I had.

I wiped the tear off my face and got up and grabbed a pair of black denim shorts and put them on. I slipped my feet into some black Vapormax's before heading downstairs. My mom and Elijah were sprawled on the sofa and the tv was switched on. I didn't let myself look in their direction. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't give myself the opportunity to break down this wall I've built to keep him out. And one look from him was all that was needed to melt me.

Not taking my eyes off the ground I walked towards the kitchen and opened up the fridge. I grabbed a Fanta lemon and began taking sips from it. I could see my mom approaching me so I took a deep breath and brace myself.

"I need you to pick me up some hard. The usual amount." She said, her head ducked low and her voice hushed. I just nodded my head and watched her pull some cash out of her bra.

I quickly counted the money she gave me as I saw her walk off. "Hold on, this ain't enough." I saw her head whip around and she gave me a nasty glare.

"Then make it enough. Suck some d-ck or something, I'm sure you have your ways." She gave a b-tchy laugh and trotted back to her seat.

I could feel another set of eyes staring at me. Trying to make sense of the situation. I didn't dare let myself look up. Instead I hopped back up the stairs to my room, pocketed my car keys and slowly closed the door before reaching under my bed and pulling out a brown paper bag. It was where I kept any savings - correction: it was where I attempted to save money. For the day I could walk away from this place. But it somehow became the emergency money stash. The stash when situations like this occurred.

I grabbed an extra $30 and shoved it in my pocket before wrapping the brown back over itself and sliding it under my wardrobe again. I stood up and grabbed my phone texting Jimmy what I wanted. With a quick text back telling me he's on it I left my room and headed for my car, obviously making sure my eyes stayed directly ahead of me the whole time.

I pushed the key in the ignition and turned the engine on, revving it alive. I backed out the drive and headed towards the old abandoned factories in the run down industrial districts - Home of all the sh-t you'd get arrested for.

I flicked the radio on and a rap song blurred into the background noise. When I stopped at the traffic light I grabbed a cigarette from the box i left in my car and lit it up. Taking a deep pull and holding it in my lungs for a few seconds before slowly letting the smoke pass through my lips.

It was about halfway through my cigarette that I then realised I was crying. Like heavily crying. My face, my neck, even my cigarette was wet from my tears. I threw my cigarette out the window and pulled up in the curb. I was a blithering mess. All I wanted to do was drive as fast as my car could take me, straight into a wall. I wanted everything to be over. I had spent so long feeling dead inside, and then to taste heaven and have heaven ripped away from your fingertips by the very person who has ruined your life, that was just plain mean.

I sat there in my car, while song after song played on the radio. And all I could think about the what ifs and possibilities. It wasn't my reality. And all I needed to face was the reality. I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears before starting my car and driving towards Jimmy. Mama didn't raise no b-tch. I grabbed another cigarette and lit it up.

So I know it's been like 7 years but shout out to @Ravenslight85 for their message about this book - it made me give this book a second look so this is for youuuuu

Do ya thang, 20 votes and 20 comments for the next chapter x lalaluffyewh