Takipsilim

Simula

WARNING! In this story, the post of updates is feedback-based. We need to reach a certain quota for me to upload a new chapter. Third to the last pa kasi ang k’wentong ito, but due to insistent public demand—here we are.

NEXT UPDATE: 1000 votes + 500 comments.

–⊰♥⊱–

Twitter: #Takipsilim @EinahWP

➳ Simula

The little, desolate girl within me had always craved familial love and affection.

I knew that it wasn’t just a simple longing. It was far beyond that tiny emotion.

I could feel how my smooth, flawless skin crawl up with vehement thirst, and that thirst had remained unnamed for a good couple of years.

What made you feel incomplete?

To me, the answer to that question was very simple. I didn’t even have to emphasize the part in which I was lacking. I had always thought that having no family actually meant something negative.

I didn’t even want to question that missing fragment in my life. I was perfectly aware that thoughts were magnetic and had frequencies.

Meaning, what you thought about, you brought about.

Masakit mang isipin ngunit kailangan ko iyong tanggapin. Sa tuwing ako’y nahuhulog sa malalim na pag-iisip ay idinaraan ko sa magandang pagrarason ang lahat.

Iniiwasan kong maging negatibo at patuloy akong lumalaban sa kirot na idinudulot niyon sa aking puso. Hangga’t maaari nga ay sinusubukan kong ibaling sa ibang bagay ang mga katanungang bumabagabag sa aking isipan.

Those questions would only just taste bitter in my mouth. Things wouldn’t always go my way, and I’d already set my mind to acknowledge that as a universal truth.

No matter what I did, the fates had already decided to act upon my miserable situation, making me unable to recover from what I’d lost. I didn’t see the point in denying myself that it was the kind of loss that was permanent.

It was a depletion that would be forever painfully carved on the darkest and hollow side of my crushed soul. Without family, my world was half-asleep. The destiny had made its last call, and that was to shatter me to bits and ugly pieces—until I was left with nothing, until I was nothing myself.

Every day had become an agonizing reminder of what I’d lost yesterday.

I’d learned to despise the harshness of the universe for making me feel this lonely. Every day was just another version of never-ending sadness. It made me want to quit, put an end to this melancholy, and free myself from gloomy thoughts and memories. It had pushed a desire in me to finally let the pen touch the empty side of the paper, leaving a remarkable symbol of period—the end.

Bakit nga ba bumabasag ng purong damdamin ang paglimot?

Bakit nga ba mahirap umahon mula sa isang mapait na nakaraan?

Bakit nga ba tila ibayong pagkawasak kung sumalpok sa’yo ang realidad?

Sometimes, the thick emotions that were being ushered by those uncertainties wore me out—almost to the point of numbness. Letting go wasn’t a one-time thing. I’d learned the accuracy behind that concept the hard way.

It was something that I had to do every day, over and over again. Funny thing was, my limits had been stretched enough to further my sufferings.

I was now standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more I could take.