I Was Counting On Forever (A One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter Seven

Harry's POV:

It's been three months since the funeral and she's slowly but surely coming back to reality. Occasionally she'll stay in bed all day, we'll hear her crying herself to sleep, or we'll catch her staring at a picture of him, but those moments are getting less and less frequent. She finally changed her phone background to a picture of her and me. Things with the two of us have been weird. About two months after the funeral, I caught her crying and was trying to comfort her. 

*FLASHBACK*

As I walk passed Mads' room I can't help but hear slight whimpers. Slowly, I open the door and see her sitting on her bed with tears rolling down her face. 

"Mads?" She looks up at me with puffy cheeks, red eyes, and smudged makeup. It breaks my heart. "Are you okay?" My question seems to just open the floodgates as she breaks down. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her tightly and she melts into me. She buries her face into my shoulder. I can feel the wetness start to soak through my shirt but I don't mind in the slightest. 

After a few minutes, she looks up at me, sniffling. "Allie has a boyfriend." I wait silently trying to figure out what she wants me to say. "They met before everything happened but she wanted to wait to tell me until after the wedding. Then after Jason died, she didn't want to tell me that she was happy and in love while I was alone." Once again, I don't say anything. "They love each other."

"I know this is hard, but aren't you happy Allie is happy?" I ask cautiously. 

"Do you think anyone will ever love me again?" I am frozen in shock at her question. "Do you think I'll ever love anyone again? Do you think that anyone will ever find me pretty enough, nice enough, smart enough, funny enough, enjoyable enough to love me? Or do you think I'm going to be alone forever?" She says the last part quietly. 

"Mads," I whisper with such sadness in my voice. I lift her chin up so her and I are making eye contact. "Madison, you are the mist beautiful woman I have ever seen. You radiate kindness and you are genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. If I had a dollar for every time I have been wrong and you have been right. I mean my god Madison. Let me tell you something; you hold all of the power. You can have any guy that you want. The second you are ready to date again, you are going to have guys falling all over you. Madison, any guy is going to be so beyond lucky to have you. I can promise you, you are not going to be alone forever." 

She just stares at me with an expression that I can't read. I can't help but notice our faces are to each other. After a minute of silence, she starts to lean in. Her slightly chapped lips softly land on mine. For a split second I know how wrong this is, but then the thought goes away. I have been craving her since the second I saw her. But then, the image of her crying over Jason pops into my head and I am brought back to the solid ground and my judgement is brought back. I lightly push her off. Once again she stares at me with an unreadable. "I'm sorry," I whisper with a mixture of regret and compassion. I leave the room and go straight to my own. The second I get in there, my fist collides with the wall. Louis and Niall rush into the room with worried expressions painted on their faces. 

"I fucked up."

"What do you mean? What did you do?" Louis asks. I can see he's worried about me and that only makes it worse because I know how pissed he's going to be. 

"Madison and I kissed." I see the expression on Niall's face change from worried about me, to scared for me and Louis' change from worried to angry. 

"What?" He spats almost hoping as if he heard wrong. 

"I went in to her room because I heard her crying and then she started talking about how she was going to die alone and then it just happened. I stopped it, but still. I shouldn't have let him happen." I run my fingers through my hair as I pace back and forth. 

"Harry..." Niall starts. 

"Harry what the fuck were you thinking? She is so fragile! She doesn't need this from you!" Louis says angrily. 

"Look man, I know!" 

"Harry, I know you have liked her since you met her, and I know you two have become super close and I know that is probably very confusing for you. But her husband just died two months ago! She needs stability right now! She needs to know that we're all here for her and we're not leaving! You need to forget this ever happened, and make sure you don't let it happen again," Louis tells me. 

"I know."

*FLASHBACK OVER*

As I walk around the corner towards the kitchen, she comes around from the other direction and we walk into each other. I try to move to the left, but she moves to the right and we just bump into each other again. I then try to move to the right, but she tried to move to the left and once again, we bump into each other. This time, I don't move and I left her get around me while I mutter a soft "sorry". 

"Things still aren't normal yet?" Liam asks as I walk into the kitchen after the boys saw the whole encounter. 

"No." 

"Just give it time," Zayn reassures. 

"How much time? I don't know what to even say to her! We haven't talked since we kissed! What am I supposed to say? 'Hey sorry I'm in love with you and I kissed you even though your husband just died. And sorry I haven't talked to you since it happened a month ago even though we're supposed to be friends.'"

The boys just look at me silently. I turn around and see Madison in the doorway with a blank face. 

"Madison..." I try to start but she shakes her head as if to tell me not to bother. 

"I forgot this," she says quietly while refusing to make eye contact and grabbing her phone that was sitting on the counter. She then turns away without another word and walks back to her room. 

A few minutes later, I walk to Madison's room and lightly knock on the door before entering. 

"Madison?" 

"Did you mean what you said? Are you in love with me?" She asks from her bed without looking up. I sit down on her bed next to her, ignoring the irony of the fact that the last time we were like this, we kissed. 

"I don't know." I do know. "All I know that I meant what I said before we kissed. I really do think any guy would be lucky to have you. Look Madison, we shouldn't have kissed. It was a mistake. You were upset and I was just trying to be there for you. I don't know what I was thinking. You're like my best friend. Sometimes I feel closer to you than to any of the guys. I don't want things to be weird between us. I miss you." 

"I have been wanting to talk to you so badly, but I just haven't know what to say." She finally looks up at me and makes eye contact. "I guess I've been thinking that if I don't talk about it and I keep you and me my phone background, and just overall pretend we were fine, that we would be fine."

"I'm so sorry I haven't been there for you this past month, Mads," I say sincerely. 

"Me too," she smiles sweetly and pulls me into a hug. 

I missed her being in my arms. Nothing is more of a calming feeling than knowing she is safe and the only time I know she is 100% safe is when I'm holding her. Our hug is cut short by Louis walking into the room. 

"We have to go to the studio in like 5," he says while glaring at me. 

"Oh crap! I have to get dressed!" Madison exclaims. "Harry get out. I have to get changed." 

I smirk at her sense of urgency. 

"Dude. What were you doing?" Louis whispers when I get out of the room. 

"We were just hugging. We just talked things out and made things normal again." 

"That better have been it because I can't stand another month of you guys tiptoeing around each other." I nod at him and walk away to get dressed myself. 

I may not be able to have Madison Barnes as my own, but at least I now have her as a friend.