Sometimes I would think to myself here in this lonely room while on my computer of how it would be like if I weren't to be exist in the beginning.
Would it be the same? I thought so to myself. I tried not to think as much deeply about it but somehow I manage to somehow be good at it at really thinking deep to it. Because if I weren't to exist, I probably best believe everything would've been very different. Why would I think about this you may ask? Lately to be honest... I've been putting a lot of thought to of killing myself during my times in middle school and even freshman year of highschool; the all new beginnings of course. It's not about that "teenage fever" where adults would say "this is common for teenagers to go through," they've guessed it so fucking wrong at one point. Oof. Believe me. I was there looking at them dead in the eye like
"You motherfucking dumbass bitch, do you really think ya that smart enough the prove science theory when you went through that phase as well? Smh." Shiet. Never only the one damn thing I've ever have to go through is myself at that point is committing suicide at the Metro RedLines... Will only be the main thing to be clear is all I ever wished to do on my 15th birthday. In fact, that day wasn't even my birthday... It was on October 29th, 2017 at a 4:35pm. That. Only day... Was the very last tear I shed before praying to god "this is it... I'm sorry, I don't know why everyone seem to hate me and my gut. But on one condition.. Please let me rest for sake, I can't hold on any longer."
Texted an old friend of mine, we don't talk to each other anymore due to a rumor..
Our texts:
Me: "Hey M.... Hows it going..? Well I'm pretty fine right now just to let you know before hand. All I came for is to text you for is to say goodbye. :)"
M: "Goodbye?? What chu mean bro?? *puts laughing emojis*"
Me: "I came just to say goodbye before I disappear off to where no one will hear me. And notice I'm gone before hand. More of all, you've been a great friend M and so are the others I met and the ones I use to talk to before they all leave me... You'll find a another person eventually in just a few.. Goodbye."
M: "....Anne? Moe stop what the fuck. Don't even think of trying to kill yourself. >:/"
There on I almost did. On the sidetracks waiting for my pain to fully end by the suffering. I honestly don't know what could go wrong in any way, I was most likely at that point where I just don't give what others would say to prevent me from dying. Cause in the end.. Everyone cares when something happens me in the end. And it's true.
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