Dear You || #ToAllTheBoysContest

Dear Zach

Dear Zach,

Last year I noticed you on the bus for the first time, and yeah, I thought you were cute. Every time I saw you I got really confused because I didn't understand why I would blush or try to get as far away from you as possible. I noticed that I actually had a crush on you when I saw you help that kid in the hallway at the end of the year. The way you helped him pick up his stuff when he dropped them? I have to say, I felt like I was having a mental break down. I mean, it's not everyday that you find out you've been crushing on someone for almost a year. 

When the school year started back up last week I saw you again, in the halls since I was moved up to the eight/nine building where you were, and I pass you a lot in the halls. Apparently my best friend Logan is a friend of yours, and he even talked to you with me standing right next to you. I don't think you noticed me or anything, which is understandable. Hell, I've made eye contact with you like a bazillion times and you still don't notice me. 

Wanna know something even crazier? My older sister Katie even dated your dad for like three years. Yeah, crazy right? Who would've thought. When she told me that and I admitted that I liked you she said she was going to tell you, and I'm still not sure if she did. I seriously hope she didn't because that would be really awkward. At least on my part, I'm pretty sure you're too cool and sweet to feel awkward if I'm being honest. I swear, you just have that feeling like you're like this little hot chocolate, too big sweater, books on a rainy day, stargazing, just mind blowing kind of person. I see you all the time just being this amazing person and I honestly just want to curl up next to you and run my hands through your beautiful brown hair and tell you that I like you.

Of course, I can't do that. For one, I'm a guy. And you're a guy. And we're both guys. And you don't like like guys so that means I'm at a crossroads. Also, I'm a year younger and you probably don't even know who I am. So just imagine this kid coming up to you like 'hey I like you' and you just being like 'I don't even know you'. Yeah. Another very awkward moment.

There's also the fact that I'm literally the most idiotic (in a nice way, just maybe not for you), weirdest, most completely farthest away from having you in my league possible kinda person. Trust me, I have confidence in myself, but there's a difference between confidence and being flat-out stupid and full of myself. Still, it doesn't make it any easier to like you.

The way you have that smile when you talk with your friends, and the way you wear those shirts that fit you just right. The way you have the dorkishly large glasses. The way you carry yourself with such secureness and confidence. The softest looks in my direction when we pass in the halls as I rush to get to the high school for class. My friends have started to notice, and they try to make a commotion whenever we pass you to get you to notice, and you do. You always make eye contact with me just as I begin to laugh at my friends stupidity. You look at me, every time. Every gods-damned time.

I honestly wish that I could just disappear whenever I see you, so that I'd never have to face that feeling of pain. The pain knowing that I can't even talk to you. All I can do is see you from afar for like a couple seconds every two or three hours, and that really sucks for me. Logan has told me a lot about you and how you're just this nice guy that's amazing and ugh. Frick you for being like this. Frick you for being perfect, even your flaws are perfect. I can't really be mad at you though. It's not your fault, it's not. I know that. We're never gonna meet though, or even talk. So, I guess being angry with someone I won't ever speak with is better than getting angry with someone I care about. So, without further ado. 

Goodbye Zach.

Love,

Angel.