Dear You || #ToAllTheBoysContest

Dear Joe

Dear Joe,

So we dated a couple of months ago for like a week and a half, and we went to a diner for our first date which was the very first date I've been on in my whole life. Before that, we had sat next to each other in chemistry for three months. Guess we were fated to *have chemistry*, huh? I'm going to be completely honest, as soon as I first saw you I definitely got a crush on you. Like, big time.

I dunno the exact reason, but it's probably from the fact that you came up with the wittiest one liners ever. It was so cute when you'd say them and then you'd get all embarrassed and laugh awkwardly before just completely giving up on trying to talk. I swear, it was adorable. Another slightly possible thing is that you're, and I don't say this ever, but you're just super hot. Like, incredibly hot. It's kinda scary a little, because if I ever saw a god, I would imagine he would probably have your face.

I never let on that I liked you, because I didn't wanna scare you off. You were so sweet and I didn't want to ruin the friendship that was blossoming. I guess I kinda suck at that though, because I let on a lot of  hints. Like when you got that eraser thrown at you and you tried not to let on how much it hurt your eye so you just didn't talk and I slid you a drawing of a robot saying I was sorry you got hit in the eye. I didn't expect you to say anything to me about it because I ran out of the classroom right after but...

Well, the next day you said thank you, and I kinda realized then that there was no backing out of the feelings I had.

Second semester rolled around and I was super scared I wasn't going to see you anymore because you're in the grade above me, and we didn't have science together again. Then, like the legend you are, you strolled into my health class and took the seat next to me and just smiled because you knew the whole time we had that class together because I had shown you my schedule. I remember being so relieved and frustrated with you.

It continued on like that for weeks until one day you got super fidgety and blushy around me. I was super confused because I thought I had done something to make you upset. Before eighth hour though I remember texting with you and you asked what the coolest way to ask someone out would be and I felt my heart sink. I was so sure that you were about to ask someone else out, but I answered with a joke to mask how I felt. I told you to wear a cape and to pass them a cheesy note.

The next hour I was sitting in Health waiting for you to come in and low and behold, you stride into class wearing a cape made completely out of Kleenex's. You walked up, took your seat next to me, and slid a folded piece of paper onto my desk, asking me to go on a date with you for Valentines Day. I was so ecstatic, ask anyone. I was bouncing of the walls, almost literally. 

I screwed it all up though. I'm an idiot like that, I know. I guess I was just scared. I had just gotten out of a really toxic relationship, but I really wanted to see if I could handle dating just so I could be with you, but I choked and I broke up with you. Big mistake. I regret it even to this day. I wished I had just gotten up the courage to face my fears. I made up the lame excuse to tell my friends that I just wasn't interested in you so they would stop asking, but really I was just scared.

You said we could still be friends though, and so we are. We say hi, and we talk and we smile and wave at each other in the halls. We pass each other in the halls a lot actually, and that's how it really hit me about what I'd done. It was this one day when I was walking through the halls and I saw you walk past me and tuck your hair behind your ear and you looked so serious and your eyes had this look in them and Oh My Gosh. My face was so red for like three hours.

I try to talk with you still, but I've never been good at the whole talking thing to begin with. I couldn't carry a conversation if my life depended on it, and I don't think you want to talk with me anymore anyways. Which I get, I understand. That's completely fine. Doesn't mean I'll give up though. I'll get through my difficulties, and your difficulties, because I want to fight for you.

I'll keep texting you and talking to you at school and inviting you to things, I'll still annoy you and try to make you smile because the god's know that your smile is that of a fallen angel. Angelic, but intoxicating and dangerous and inviting. I'll keep trying to hold on to our friendship and hope and pray that one day in the future, when I can date without hurting myself and you in the process, that you'll take me back. I know it's selfish and self-centered, but I'm going to do it anyways. 

Because I want to stare into your beautiful eyes and without you looking away because you're shy, and I want to hold your hand without it being weird, and I want to listen to you crack jokes and tell me about video games that I don't understand, but I'll  listen to you explain them anyways just so I can listen to you talk. I just want you to actually smile at me again, but it's ok. You're not there yet, and neither am I.

But I'll keep trying.

I promise I'll keep fighting.

Love,

Angel.