Negan X Reader (COMPLETED ✔)

Chapter 18 Points

He was walking unusual slow, almost robotically as if his brain was struggling to tell each foot to take the next step.

His eyes staying focused forward. "Is something wrong?" I grab his arm stopping him.
"No, it's just that Negan's been different lately, and I don't want him to think anything is going on that shouldn't be"

"Fine, we'll walk in silence" I catch up and walk next to him. The rest of the way, we didn't speak to each other but I could tell that something was weighing heavy on his mind.

We reach the outdoors, the sunlight shining in my sleep-deprived eyes, the warmth of the summer air reminds me of everything I was missing being locked in a cell.

"So what am I doing," I say in a cheerful tone, not wanting to let on to the betrayal I feel from Negan.

"Count all the bullets and guns, then categorize them by model and condition" He hands me a journal with the same stern face he gave me earlier. I pick up a box of bullets and get to work.

I am halfway through when I decide to make conversation. "You want to know the real reason Negan is so pissed?" I say to him with a grin.

He doesn't stop what he's doing, but he responds "Sure".

I lick my lips in excitement for his reaction, "The other group's leader was flirting with me and I totally played into it" I chuckle, still counting the inventory.

Dwight laughs, his demeanor becoming more relaxed, "I should have figured"

Hours pass of endless bookkeeping until nighttime came.

After dinner, Dwight walks me to the community showers, leaving me to find my way to Negan's room when I'm done.

The water pours down dripping by my side, as my mind fades into dullness and everything is a foggy illusion.

The sensation of the steamy water calms me, it takes my mind off things. All the things I had to think about in that cell. My mind swirls and it's like I'm standing under an everlasting waterfall. Ever so beautiful but it can never last, I know that.

I step out of the shower, dressing in the clothes I brought with the points I had earned today.

I begin the haunting walk to Negan's rooms. I meekly knock on the door, holding my breath for the moment that Negan would answer.

The door swings open and there he is, "Welcome back sweetheart!" he grins letting me in, I say nothing and jump into bed.

"Are you gonna take a shower?" he asks smugly.

"Already did" I cover my face with one of this ultra soft pillows.

He chuckles and lays next to me in his boxers, "Makeup sex?" he tries to rub my legs, but I move farther from him.

"You do these awful things to me, then think sex is going to make everything alright" I keep the pillow on my face, making my words come out slightly muffled.

Negan lets out a sarcastic sigh as he turns off the bedside lamp, making the room pitch black.

The darkness stirs up the memory of all those days and nights I spent, locked away from the outside world.

My tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child.

Negan shifts closer to me wrapping his arm around my waist, I shove him away."What's wrong?" he whispers.

"You really don't know" just a few words, but they bring even more tears to my eyes.

"I know 'sorry' isn't enough but I want you to know that I regret every fucked-up thing I've ever done to you" he gets up and flicks the light back on.

Covering my face with his hands, he wipes away my tears with his thumbs. Still laying down I look into his hazel eyes seeing a part of him that I never knew existed, it makes me want to forgive him and for him to forgive me.

My voice cracks as I speak, "I'm sorry for what happened with Paul" I struggle to get the words out. He nods holding me closer, "You should try to get some rest" he turns the lamp back off and snuggles me into the warm sheets.

My eyes grow heavy and puffy from crying, my breathing slows and as sleep takes over, I realize that forgiveness is letting go of all negative emotions and memories. It is moving on with whatever positives remain. If nothing remains then our relationship is all negative - abusive - even if invisibly so.