The Infected: An H1-2M1 Chronicle

Chapter 6

THEN

I stared at the half of rabbit in front of me. I looked up at Jasper slowly. My vision blurred as tears pooled in my eyes. "We are not having this conversation again," his voice was harsh but low. We weren't heading into a screaming match.

"I know," I said softly. The last time we had anything to eat was a week ago, and that meal consisted of nothing more than a dandelion and berry salad.

"There are two kinds of people in the world now," Jasper said softly. He reached across the table and took my hand. I could hear his stomach turning over. He was starving just as I was. His food sat in front of him untouched. He wasn't going to eat until I did. That was the game he chose to play. We had been at this table for over an hour. The cooked rabbit was already cold. He knew I would eat it. He knew I wouldn't be able to watch him starve, even if I could allow it for myself. "Those that choose to die and those that choose to live. Which are you going to be?" I looked at him, the tears spilling from my eyes. I hadn't eaten meat since I was ten years old.

Jasper picked up the gun that sat between us and placed a single bullet in the magazine, inserted it, and cocked the gun. My breath caught in my throat as he pointed it at me. He placed the gun back on the table. "If you are going to be the kind that chooses to die...go outside and do it, but do not make me sit here and watch you starve yourself to death. Do not make me waste energy keeping you alive when you are choosing to die."

I stared at the gun.

"What's it going to be?" Jasper said. "Are you going to be a coward or a fighter, Amber?"

I knew I was weak, much weaker than Jasper. If it hadn't been for him I would be back in our suburb gouging my eyes out, mad with the virus. I tried to scavenge, but I knew nothing about what plants I could and could not eat. Jasper had to double check everything I brought in, especially the berries. I brought home poisonous berries on more than one occasion. Jasper's rule with berries was this, "If unsure don't eat it." My rule was this "If the birds like them, eat them." Jasper of course, thinks I'm wrong and throws them out if he's unsure.

I picked up the leg of the rabbit and bit into it slowly. I was a coward. I wasn't strong enough to kill myself. The fatty grease spilled into my mouth. I could hear Jasper exhaling a sigh of relief. He took the gun from the table and unloaded it. He pressed his lips to my temple and squeezed my shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered softly.

I bit into the rabbit again and fresh tears fell. With every bite I cried. Within the hour the cramps began. My stomach knotted around itself. It felt like the rabbit was inside me clawing at my insides seeking it's revenge. "It's what I get," I said as I laid curled up in a ball in the loft. "It's what I get for selling my soul."

"You didn't sell your soul." Jasper said sitting next to me. He rubbed my back softly. It didn't help the pain, but it comforted me knowing he was there. The anger and annoyance I had grown used to was gone. In its place was something else, compassion, understanding maybe. He knew this was going to happen. He was right about everything.

"I get to live, but at the cost of another." I said. "If we were meant to eat meat my body wouldn't be rejecting it."

"You have to fight to make it in this world. You haven't digested meat protein in 10 years, Amber. Your body lacks the bacteria necessary to break it down. It'll get easier, I promise." Jasper lowered himself off the bed and kneeled before me. He lifted my chin with his finger. "There is nothing wrong with choosing your own life over another. It's survival. It is what we are made to do, survive."

"Do you miss her?" I asked thinking of Carol. He hadn't mentioned her since that day in the car over six months ago.

"Every day," he said softly. His jaw tightened as his voice choked. He lowered himself so he was sitting on his feet.

I touched his cheek softly as he rested his chin on the mattress. "Did you kill her?"

His eyes didn't move from the spot on the quilt. "No," he said softly. "I locked her in the closet...and ran to get Dad's car. I had to bring you here where it was safe."

"Why? Why did you come for me?"

He rose up on his knees slowly. His eyes were fixed on me. "You have to ask? You're my sister. I swore an oath to protect you. I've been doing a lousy job of that. I never should have left you with dad and his socialistic beliefs. You are so unprepared for this world, Amber. You cannot rely on your neighbor to protect and feed you. The only person you can rely on is yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "Oath's made by seven year olds to babies don't count...and I don't need a neighbor when I have you."

"I may not be around forever." Jasper said softly.