suddenly ♡ malum ✓

➵ seventeen

WEDNESDAY

 

Dear diary,

it's Wednesday now, sorry for not writing but I had a lot of stuff to do for school. It was really important but I promise to try writing every day now, even if it's just one sentence.

So, today I saw something that I didn't really wanted to see. I mean I wasn't disgusted by it, I just wished i hadn't seen it.

**

"Mum, I'm going to Luke's now. I'll be back in a few hours," I informed my mother and left the house. 

I was already done with my homework and there was nothing to do, so I thought it would be nice to visit Luke, since we didn't hang out that much in the past few days.

I had to take the bus since he's living half an hour away from me, but that was okay because one, it was raining really bad and two, I could listen to music the whole ride. Sometimes I walk to his house but only if the weather was nice and if I was in the mood for a walk.

When I arrived there, his mum opened the door and told me he was in his room, probably doing homework or something and that a friend was with him. I just smiled and nodded and made my way upstairs.

I thought it was a nice idea to surprise him and just burst into his room but actually, it wasn't a good idea.

Not good at all.

"What the actual fuck?" I said and looked at Luke and Ashton, who were laying half naked on his bed and snogging the shit out of each other.

When they heard me, they suddenly stopped and Luke just said, "Oh god dammit."

"Luke, what the hell, why are you both half naked?" I asked and looked at them with a slightly shocked expression on my face. 

"I swear to god, it's not what it looks like. We were just making out," Ashton said, his hair messy and lips swollen and I laughed a little.

"And I know what you're thinking. The answer is no, no we wouldn't have sex if you weren't here," Luke added. He looked the same as Ashton, messy hair and swollen lips.  

"Calm down, it's okay and to be honest, it's none of my business what you're two doing anyway. It's just - I guess I was a little bit shocked to see you making out with a guy. I'm used to see you with girls," I explained and they both nodded. "Now, would you mind putting on a shirt?"

As they both were fully dressed, Ashton decided to go, so me and Luke could talk alone.

Before he left, he had to give Luke the most passionate kiss I've ever seen in my life, of course.

And I was jealous. So jealous of what they both had.

"I'm sorry that you had to see this," Luke apologized.

"It's okay but I have one question. About two weeks ago you told me that you don't even know if Ashton, well at that time he was still Ashlyn, had a girlfriend, or boyfriend, whatever, and now you're having a heated make-out session with him, half naked on your bed. Care to explain how that happened? When did you both had your first kiss and why don't you ever tell me something? Come on, I'm your best friend."

He sighed, "I'm sorry. I should've told you. We had our first kiss on Friday. We went to the cinema and watched a movie. After that we went to his house and talked on his bed and then there was a moment where he just stared at me and I asked if there was something on my face and he just answered that with 'No but I really want to kiss you right now'. I wanted it too, I wanted it so so bad and then it just happened and it was the most amazing feeling ever," he told me and I just smiled.

"I'm glad you're so happy with Ashton."

"Yeah, I really am happy."

"So, do your parents know about you being gay?" I then asked and he shook his head.

"No, I don't want them to know about this at the moment. I still need a little bit time to deal with my feelings myself, so I won't tell my parents yet."

**

So this happened with Luke and Ashton. To be honest, they're really really cute together and I was jealous because I couldn't have what they had just because 'the one' still didn't cross my path.

I guess I'll just die alone.

- Michael :(