Edward sucks!:
I'm rideing down the road with my vampire boyfriend in his volvo. I'm pushing up agenst the door as for as I can hoping he won't suck my blood. "What's wrong Jade baby?"
I roll my eyes "Aside from the fact that you're a vampire? and I'm a snotty teenage brat with deliciously warm blood?" I growled scooting farther away. "Now that you mention it, you do smell very appetizing." He seductively purrs, his eyes turning pitch black.
"STOP IT, EDWARD!"
"But Jade I can't help it!" He whined.
"Bring me to Jacob RIGHT NOW! I need his body!" I scream at the top of my lungs. "Okay, okay, I will."
So we drive to Jacob.
* * * * * * *
I jump out of the car screaming "Jacob! Jacob! help, he wants to suck my blood! Help!" I run over to him desperately. I was jerked to a stop before my fingers could brush his chest."Edward! what the heck are you doing? Let me go NOW! I MEAN NOW! NOT TOMORROW, NOT IN 5 MINUTES! NOW! I WILL DESTROY YOU EDWARD CULLEN! #$*()%$$@#%%&*(*&%%$##!@$%$&*&@!#$#%$
THREE MINUTES LATER
I WIL! I WILL GET YOU EDWARD! YOU WILL DIE ON THIS DAY!!!!!"
I look up and they're just stareing at me. "What the crap was that all about?" Jacob asks pulling me into his arms.
"She's mine blood sucker!"
"Oh she's yours huh? Have you ever done what we did last night?" he smirks.
"Edward, we played monopoly!" I said.
"Oh yeah I don't remember playing monopoly but I'm sure we could find better things to do." Jacob said suggestively, Edward grabed Jacob and threw him in the woods.
"That's enough out of you fleabag! But you.." He says turning to me. "I don't have enough of you."
Jacob/wolf jumps out of the woods and crashes into Edward, their bodies flying o in the woods I stand there waiting for the victor to come get me.
They crash through the bush and onto the road, a giant ball of sparkly fur. They rolled onto Edward's car and it exploded with a deafening ROAR.
I thought they were both gone.
"Crap I have to walk home, they could have at least left the car!"
Then Jacob/wolf walks dramatically towards me, his sides heaving, his glossy fur shineing in the sunlight.
BANG!!!!!!
Jacob/wolf goes flying gracefully through the air and off the side off the cliff, I look at the giant 1D tour bus now standing in front of me.
Louis Tomlinson sticks his head out .
"Hey guys, I think we hit something."
Five guys jump out of the bus. They see me. The youngest looking one with the curls flashes his dimples at me.
"Hi we're One Direction, biggest boy band in the world."
CRASH!!!!!
A plane completely obliterates One Direction's tour bus. The dorrs openand George Shelley looks out.
"DADS!!" He shreiks at the top of his lungs running into Louis and Harry's arms.
"Sorry 'bout that." JJ says. "Our pilot was drunk."
Everybody looks at Jaymi. "What did I do?" He asks slipping a beer bottle behind his back.
"You guys can come with us." Josh says being as perfect as ever.
So One Direction, Union J and I all fly off in Union J's privet jet.
So all that proves is: Edward sucks!!!
