DEAN WINCHESTER IMAGINES || COMPLETED

16. Only Her • Angst

Synopsis : in which she was tired on fixing him.

Contains : nothing too triggering, one swear word.

[ This is more like a drabble guys. ]

Third Person's.

  Watching Dean cry on the way back to the Bunker was quite a sight to say the least. Not in a amusing way, per say, but seeing Dean, a determined and hard Hunter, cry over someone other than his family, is something new for Y/N. She witnessed how the Winchester talked to Lisa, his girlfriend along with her son, Ben, in the hospital. How Dean refused to show the tears building on his eyes, how he tried to stop the quivering of his lips. He tried to not let it show, that the pain he was feeling wasn’t affecting him at all.

  But she noticed.

   Y/N noticed how Dean stare at the couples, how they smile and laugh together. She noticed the way he bow his head when they were interviewing for the hunts, noticed how his face falls when someone mentions about having someone as a lifetime partner. She knew Dean like the back of her hand, given that the two of them were together for fifteen years, as friends of course, much to her dismay. She frown when the older Winchester always go to his room after a hunt, which wasn’t something he’ll normally do before the Liza accident.

     Having enough, Y/N quietly got up from her seat on the Bunker and closed the book she was reading. With the book on her hands, she walked towards Dean’s room, knocked twice and opened the heavy door. He was sat on his bed, his back facing her. She let her eyes wander, beer bottles we're littered around with dirty clothes. There were crumpled papers, books, and dirty laundry everywhere. In all, his room was a complete mess.

   “Hey.” she mumbled, hugging the book closer to her chest. The man didn't move, blanky staring at the crumpled paper that was on his hands. The words were scribbled that she couldn’t make out the words that was written. “Dean. . . You need to stop this.”

    Y/N watched as his hands tighten it's hold on the already crumpled paper, she bit her lips at the thought of argument with Dean. She didn’t want that, she only wants what's good for him and if talking some sense to him is the first step, she’ll do it. Dean grumble, “what is it to you, anyway?”

   “I'm your best friend, it's natural for me to worry about you.” Y/N said, walking closer to the man who still has his back towards her.

    “Stop." She frown, opening her mouth to speak, to ask him what does ‘ stop ’ means then he continued, “you worrying about me? Stop. There's nothing for you to worry, it's my problem. Not yours, not Sam’s, mine. It's for me to carry and for me to suffer the consequences.”

    “It shouldn't be like that, Dean.”

  “It is. I'm the one who caused this mess and I'm the who should fix this. I fixed it, alright? The consequences and the blame are on me. Nobody should console and comfort me, what for? To lessen the guilt? No. It's all on me.” he faced her, his eyes held the same fire she saw on it when they’re battling on hunts. “You helping me doesn’t change anything! It doesn't help me with something! I need her! Alright? She needed me while I'm on this life and that puts her on a hospital bed with her son, without any recognition of me! That hurts! She’s the only one that can help me! Only her!”

   Y/N stands still for a moment, tears quickly filling her eyes as she stare at Dean, who was huffing and muttering incoherent words under his breath. She can feel the familiar pain on her chest, spreading within and suffocating her. She spoke, trying her hardest to not let him know that she was shaking inside. “We’re your family, Dean. It's our place to worr—”

    “I don't need you to so fuck off!” he yelled, noting how she flinched at his tone but Dean didn't let that motion affect his emotions. “Do you understand? I don't need your help! Even if you did, what difference will you make? Nothing! Because you're not her! You're not someone I want! And I want her!”

    “We want to help you, Dean. I really do, but with what you're doing right now, it makes me question why am I still beside you? Why am I still here? Why are you letting me stay here when you don't want me to? Is it because I'm a great Hunter? Is it because I have connections outside? Why am I still here if it's against what you want!” she yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks as she asked Dean, gasping and sobbing while forcing the hurtful questions out of her mouth. “What am I to you?”

   Silence.

   Complete and utter silence filled the room. Y/N gasped, sobbing ungracefully in front of the man who she thought was someone worth her presence, her emotions, her love. She quickly wiped her tears and cleared her throat, standing tall and looking at the man who held her heart and break it without knowing, “Okay. Do what you want, I won't interfere anymore, won't help you anymore, won't guide you into something. I won't be your shoulder to cry on anymore. I'll be gone, just like you wanted. Don't come running to me, crying and begging for my forgiveness, because you wouldn't have any."

   Y/N gripped the book tight and sighed, placing the book on his bed while Dean had his head down, shame running through his veins like a poison, spreading like a wild fire into his being. She sniffled and said, “For you. As a token of my love. Keep it, burn it, I don't care.” with a one final glance, she turned away and walked out of the room, slamming the door on her way out.

     Dean shakily looked at the book, hands caressing the bold letters on the cover : Reasons Why You're Worth It. He longingly looked at his bedroom door, feeling the tighteness on his chest before a tear slip and falls down on his sheets. He cradled the book close to his chest and muttered an almost inaudible apologies, hoping she'll come back and forgive him for his mistakes, or beat him up and made him realize his doings. But most of all, he wanted her to come back with those three words spilling from the lips.

     All this time, he was looking for something that was in front of him the whole time.

''''''''''''''''

[ Hey guys. The last update I did was 14th of August and what date is it now? September 5th? ( In my country at least. ) So I apologise. School has been rather stressful these days and I've been having personal issues which evolves around me not having a boyfriend and whatsoever.

I know this is short and not angsty as I thought it will be and again, I apologise. You are welcome to request, btw, because I'm running out of ideas so sEND HELP LMAO . ]

— L Y Y Y Y