구해줘

{Chapter 6}

{A/N: APPRECIATE THESE UNDERRATED KINGS RIGHT NOW!!!! THEY DESERVE ALL OF THE LOVE IN THE WORLD!THEY"RE A ROOKIE GROUP CALLED IN2IT WHO DEBUTED IN OCTOBER OF 2017! Okay before i get yelled at for disappearing off the face of the earth for a whole year, let me explain. I wasn't in a very good head space and we recently had a lot of death in the family. So, I took some time off, I even went to Europe for two weeks. And now that I'm back and school is starting and I'm feeling better, I'm ready to keep writing. Only problem is that I don't remember what I was writing about last so please bare with me. Thank you!}

WARNING: IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SELF HARM AND SELF HATE, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

~Joonie's POV~

When I got home, my heart jumped into my throat. My aunt, Y/N, was sitting on the couch with tears streaming down her face. Looks like dad called her after all. Once she heard the door unlock, she was on her feet and in our faces. "What the hell happened to Jiyong?! Why was he taken out of the hospital?!" Her voice was desperate and devastated which just made my heart sink more.

"Y/N listen-"

"I'm sorry auntie...it was my fault. We didn't take him from the hospital but...I didn't try to stop him either. I don't know why but I was compelled to help him. It's no excuse and I know that but you know he's always been so persuading when he puts his mind to it.." I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt my father's arm around my shoulders.

"Joonie, it's okay...you didn't know it was wrong.." Seokjin said softly to me, kissing the top of my head. Aunt Y/N just looked at me with eyes full of disappointment which to me, was worse than her being angry with me or even hating me.

"Y/N, where's Jungkook?" My father asked as Y/N shook her head a little, rubbing her face. 

"He's home with Min-Ah...she's a complete and utter mess. She's worried sick about him." In a way, it almost seemed as if I could feel Min-Ah's worry once aunt Y/N said something. "Where's Ji now?"

"He's on his way to the hospital with Namjoon right now. Don't worry, he's in good hands." He said with a nod. I, however, kept my gaze on the floor tiles beneath my feet. At any moment, it felt like, they would collapse and I'd just fall into a dark and endless pit. Maybe that's what aunt Y/N and Min-Ah are feeling right now, not knowing how Jiyong was doing since we let him leave the hospital.

(WARNING: LAST CHANCE TO SKIP IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO SELF HARM)

"I uhm, I don't feel so well so I-I'm just gonna go and take a quick shower..." I said quickly, giving each of them a small bow before heading out. Going up the stairs, I hurried to the bathroom and shut the door behind me, locking it. My breathing got heavy and I suddenly got extremely light headed. "I'm such a fuck up...how could I let him convince me to let him walk out like that?!" Tears welled in my eyes again as I turned on the water in the shower, slowly slipping out of my clothes. In the mirror, I saw all of my previous scars scattering my shoulders and upper arms, dancing along my lower stomach and thighs. All vertical, all extremely deep. "It's all my fault..."

The blade was brand new, sharper than the last one. I took it from my dad's razor blade box. He has so many, he won't notice. As for the pain, it was slightly familiar. A sort of tingling feeling that was almost foreign yet so, so familiar. These new ones were just as deep as the last ones, bleeding just as much, too. The water at my feet turned a dim red-ish brown-ish color as it swirled down the drain. Tears still flooded from my eyes, sobs escaping me that were masked by the sound of the shower and water heater. Making the final cut down my thigh, that made a total of 9 new wounds. Sliding down the wall, I sat on the floor of the shower, letting the hot water beat down on me as the blood flowed from the cuts on my thighs and into the pooling water next to and under me.

"You're nothing but a fuck up."

"All you do is ruin things."

"He'd be alright if you didn't let him leave."

"This is why your birth parents didn't want you."

"You're parents now don't want you."

"Just die already!"

The voices just got louder as I lazily wrapped hand towels around my thighs before putting on my robe and trudging to my room. The door slammed behind me and I felt my head hit my pillow before my world went black.

When I awoke, it was later in the night. My light was still on and my window was open, blowing in the cold night air. Very carefully, I started to sit up. Propping myself onto my elbows, I looked down to see I had bled through threw the towels and the robe, all three stained in a deep red that was now turning brown. This was going to hurt like a bitch to get off. My eyes were puffy and swollen from crying so it was hard to see but when I looked over at the clock, it said 3:27 am. Great, both of my dads were most likely home which means I have to be super quiet, which will be hard. Slowly, I got up and stumbled to the door, going into the bathroom as quietly as possible. I sat on the edge of the tub, knowing from experience to slowly take off the towels to make sure it didn't start bleeding again. Pain shot through me, it felt like my body was catching on fire limb by limb. Stifling a cry of pain, I started to put on disinfectant so they would heal with no infection. Once that was done, I took some bandages and wrapped my wounds with a sigh.

"I don't know why I bother to do this....no one would miss me anyways.." A noise, kind of like the sound a throat clearing was heard before a heard a voice that wasn't mine.

"I would miss you." A deep, tried voice said from the doorway. I froze, my heart stopping as I looked over to see my father, Namjoon, standing in the doorway with concerned eyes.

"Dad I can explain-" He held up his hand to stop me before I could finish.

"I'm not going to force you to explain or force you to talk but....when you're ready, please know that I'm here for you and I'm all ears." His voice was gentle as he came over and kissed my forehead before smiling softly and ruffling my hair.

"Thanks dad..."

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A/N: I know this chapter was pretty dark but it has a lot to do with the character development of Joonie. This chapter was kind of personal to me and I drew out some of those feelings but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I promise the next one will be happier. Please comment what you think!