I sat alone on the floor with a laptop on my lap. All I could see in front of me were tall windows with black borders, giving the outsiders permission to see what was inside: a classroom. Today I was supposed to meet Mrs D -- my lecturer -- but I hadn't finished my draft yet so I didn't have anything to present to her.
You probably would ask why I was alone and where my friends were (or maybe you wouldn't). Most of them were already graduated so it was just me and a few others left, whom I wasn't really close with. I believed my boyfriend was having a class right now or attending a meeting -- I wasn't sure. I hadn't asked him.
Then, what did make me feel insecure about?
It was just... I thought people around me were having more life than me. I mean, I didn't do anything besides doing my Final Project, which became boring as I had been doing it for a year. And it felt like I didn't have friends whom I could ask to meet out of a sudden like I used to. It seemed clearer that we were all living our own life. Even though I knew that we were supposed to live our life, I felt like my friends and I were growing apart.
Or it could be just me who wasn't reaching out for them first. Or me not trying hard enough to hustle towards my dream life. Or me not being grateful enough for what I had accomplished so far.
In the end, I perfectly knew that it was useless to compare myself to others. It was better to compare the now-me and the past-me, and saw how better or worse had I become. I always knew.
But then again the theory was always far easier to understand than to implement.
--
September 6th, 2018
Aci
(trying to handle myself.)
YOU ARE READING
Feelings: Unbottled
Short Story"Feelings: Unbottled" meaning is pretty self-explanatory: it is meant to be a place to pour all my feelings and emotions instead of bottling it up. I am aware it is hard to express my feelings because I am so used to keeping it to myself. But I gues...
