Dear Beebo: A Fangirl Letter #ToAllTheBoysContest Entry

Dear Beebo: A Fangirl Letter

Dear Beebo,

How do I say this, but I have a huge crush on you. Is that possible? But you probably wouldn't be surprised. You're a Pop Idol after all. Brendon Urie, your voice is amazing. Your body is amazing. You write you're own music, and you were on Broadway last summer. Damn. How can that all be in one man?

I've had a history of having secret crushes on pop stars. I know it helps to write down your feelings. It helps keep my sanity. I have been ill over the last few years, and your music kept me going. Panic! kept me working through therapy and my heart illness. For that I thank you. But don't think I'm crazy. It's a fan thing. Trying to touch someone as great as you.

Because I almost had a chance to touch you. In the last concert tour, you came very close to me. You took a selfie with the guy standing in front of me, and then turned to shake hands with girls across from me. They had on golden crowns. I think your ADHD took over and something bright and shiny got your attention. I should have worn a crown.

But maybe it's the teen still trapped inside me. I think all women have one. The little girl might get bigger on the outside, but she is still alive and well inside all of us.

So, like most fangirls, I admire from afar, trapping my feelings into letters that will never be seen by you. But maybe the thoughts will float on the ether of the universe. Maybe someday I'll get a message to you, to explain what you do to me when you sing on Periscope. Or in a video. It's like you're talking to me. I know it's to everyone, but I'll be selfish. I can think it's me.

I shot the video above at the last Panic! At The Disco concert tour. You can hear me screaming and see my hand on the right reaching out. This letter is helping to deal with the pain of seeing you turn right when I had my chance. I can watch it now without feeling that deep hurt. I just was not lucky that night. Maybe some day I'll get another chance. To reach from afar and actually you'll hear me and say hi. I'll get a handshake or hello.

Until then, know that you make me happy whenever I hear you sing. Your humor and quirky nature is adorable. Your wife is a very lucky woman. Keep doing you.

For me, I'll just hang in there and admire from afar like most of your fans do. It isn't as lonely as it seems if I'm around other Panic! fans. We have something in common. At least I share this secret with others.

And that can keep me going.

Your not so average fangirl,

Marilyn