Such Great Heights

Chapter 6

"Day 75

When I first woke up into this new lifetime, I didn't dream. Like, literally. I'd fall asleep every night, experience nothingness, and it would be morning. In my original lifetime, I dreamt all the time, so this was weird. I missed dreaming... even the nightmares. Because after a nightmare, you wake up and yeah, you might be a little panicked at first, but then it washes over you that it wasn't real. You're ok, it was just a dream, and your life is not that universe.

Dreaming... another human experience, taken away from me.

I dreamt for the first time again last night. I forgot what it felt like — the surreal sensation of everything. How, when you wake up, it's like a distant memory. Vague recollections of a vacation from a year ago or whatever. But most of all, when you dream, some of the feelings you experienced in the dream linger. When I'd dream about dating some random classmate or someone I barely knew, I'd wake up feeling connected to them for some inexplicable reason. Like we dated in a past life or something, and the feeling would only last the day, but I'd always get the urge to get to know them better. I'd fight the urge to approach them, ask them to grab coffee with me to fulfill the curiosities sparked by what was most likely just random firing of neurons in my brain that produced that dream.

The feeling would always go the opposite way as well. If I dreamt about a friend fucking me over, I'd wake up pissed at them for the day even though it was completely unjustified.

Anyway, I missed those experiences. When I woke up, I was reminded of what it felt like to dream.

I dreamt about her. About Camila.

The exact details about the dream aren't relevant, really. What matters is what I felt when I woke up. I almost can't describe the sensation. It was so strange... my body was physically reacting like it usually does when we kiss, but it was a hundred times more intense. My heart was racing, my stomach was flipping, my hands were shaking a bit, and my cheeks were flushing so fucking hard.

My emotions haven't completely returned, obviously. They come in short bursts. Bursts of happiness when I spend time with her, mild bursts of irritation if something pisses me off... the usual. When I don't have these bursts, I can tell they're there, begging to be felt. They feel like ghosts. I'd say when I woke up they were at a 0, in my past lifetime they were at 100... and now they're maybe at a 35.

When I felt my body doing what it did this morning, I was almost convinced it was my body remembering how to feel. Then it faded so quickly like every other burst.

I hope they come back soon. She really does make me enjoy living. I can only imagine what it will feel like when my body will allow the happiness to prevail."

A month had passed since Lauren and Camila's first couple of dates, and their relationship has done nothing but grow. They've been on countless dates, everything from the typical dinner and a movie to indoor skydiving. Camila has also shown her a handful of her favorite date spots around the city. While Lauren has not yet seen Camila's apartment, she invited Camila back to her place exactly once: Valentine's Day.

They didn't do anything too huge, which is a bit ironic considering how Lauren literally rented out the entire Shedd Aquarium for their second date. After that date, she got the feeling that Camila felt a bit intimidated that she didn't have the resources possible for such a grand gesture. Nonetheless, Lauren still insists that Camila's date ideas are far superior to her own.

On Valentine's Day, Lauren took Camila out to dinner at a hip Italian restaurant, followed by a trip to the Adler Planetarium. They snuck in a bottle of red wine by transferring its contents to their reusable non-translucent water bottles. After an hour and a half or so of the cosmos paired with their own original drinking game ("Take a drink every time you see a planet"), Lauren was relieved that they were relying on public transportation that night. By the time they exited the planetarium, they were both delightfully intoxicated to the point where they definitely would not be able to operate a vehicle safely. Lauren invited Camila back to her apartment, and though the girl spent the night, they didn't have sex.