Trail of a Fairy

24. The Second Scarf

  As Nashi climbed into his bed, his mind was reeling. Dad's proposal. He told me.

Natsu chuckled at his son as he closed the door. Even in bed, Nashi's eyes were wide open. But, pulling his blankets up, Nashi tried to ignore the thoughts swirling in his head. He closed his eyes, and slowed his breathing. Soon, Natsu could hear his son's breath become a steady rhythm.

"Goodnight, ki- Nashi." He smiled.

As Natsu walked back to his room, he couldn't help but release a sigh that crippled him. I said it. I told him everything. With each repetition of this thought, Natsu felt his shoulders drop just a little bit more. He could feel the heat behind his eyes: and the pricks of moisture beginning. As he furiously tried to wipe them away, the tears only got stronger. Dammit!

Every fiber in his being wanted to slam his bedroom door when he reached it. But he didn't. Nashi just fell asleep. With a smile on his face. I can't wake him up.

So quietly, Natsu closed his door. As soon as he knew it was closed, Natsu fell to the ground. His knees were shaking; his hands were quivering; and the tears wouldn't stop. It was getting to be too much.

"Dammit!" Natsu hissed, beating his fist against the floor. "Dammit! Dammit!"

With each new cuss, another tear rolled down his face. It felt like a fire on his face. And for once, it was a fire that Natsu couldn't control — a fire that was painful for him. He tried to wipe the tears away, but just as soon as he did, more would fall down.

Crying and swearing, Natsu crawled into the bed. He curled up — clutching the extra pillow until he swore it would break. But it didn't. It simply squished more and absorbed his tears. And eventually, the tears were squished back out.

He stayed like that — unmoving — for a long time. Every second he begged for the tears to stop, and felt the shame. And the hurt. The hurt was the worst. He still felt it. And he hated that. Ten years! Ten damn years!

Yet he still felt it. The blood, dried and cold on his arms. Her limpness as he carried her back to the guild. He could still see the look on everyone's face when they saw her. The silent Reedus as his face distorted. Alzack who held his wife and child closely. Juvia who collapsed under the rain. And Nashi. Little Nashi, slowly looking around the cathedral for his momma. And that tiny hug that shivered in Natsu's arms. The tiny child that Natsu couldn't face. The one face Natsu didn't look at.

Natsu shivered; he shivered again and again. But the pillow wasn't getting drier, and the bed wasn't getting smaller. So, he pushed himself up. He threw the pillow to the other side of the bed. It flopped over, and onto the ground. Natsu felt his stomach fall with it. But he swallowed his feelings, and wiped his tears away. Not again. Not another ten years.

Slowly, Natsu swung his feet over the edge. He tested them, and stood up. His legs trembled under him, but Natsu wouldn't — couldn't — let himself fall. Grabbing his night table, he stayed standing. Once he was steady, he let go of the table.

"Not anymore." He whispered under his breath.

With a heavy sigh, Natsu looked down. He still couldn't stop his shoulders from falling. But at least he had stopped the tears. And as he looked to the floor, something else caught his eye.

A single piece of white yarn. It came from inside the bottom drawer of his night table. Natsu looked away. But with a sigh, he looked back. And he leaned down to pull out the unfinished scarf. Sitting back down on the bed, Natsu ran his hands under the scarf. The beginning was smooth, and soft. Then there were the rows of uneven, and rough stitches that slowly became more and more smooth. The last few rows were exactly like the first.

Carefully, Natsu pulled off his own scarf. He laid it down on the bed next to the other scarf. Even without the fringe that was on Natsu's scarf, the second scarf was only a few inches short of being a real scarf. Somehow, the same scaly pattern that was on Natsu's had appeared on the other one. And all Natsu could do was trace his finger over the new scales. They were crisp, and clean. Not a single speck of dust had fallen on the new scarf.

Natsu wrapped his own scarf around his neck, but didn't take his eyes off the new one. He glanced out the window. The stars were up, and the moon was high in the sky. But Natsu didn't feel tired. Not in the slightest. So he grabbed the knitting needles and the scarf. Let's do this Lucy.

With the stars moving through the sky to watch him, Natsu knitted steadily throughout the night. It wasn't fast, and every once in a while he had to undo a row or a stitch. Yet he kept at it. The needles kept moving, and the scarf kept growing. Somewhere, Natsu was sure the celestial spirits were smiling. And for once, he could almost see Lucy with them. Her smile was the widest.

Just as the sun began to creep up the hills, Natsu flopped back onto his bed. His eyes were sore, and his hands ached. But he had done it. In his hand, he grasped the second scarf. The ball of yarn had shrunk considerably overnight. It was only the size of a golf ball now. But Natsu couldn't help but grin. Nashi was awake already — and Natsu could hear him in the kitchen.

Natsu rummaged through his room for a box. Eventually he found one. It was a plain brown box — about the size of a large book. He opened it excitedly, then paused. Inside the box was something he hadn't seen before. It was a large picture frame. He didn't know where or how it came to be, but it was there. A gift. With a note from Lucy.

Happy birthday, Natsu! I hope we can always look back on this picture and smile at it! Although, Nashi might find it embarrassing someday. I can't wait for that!

Anyway, I love you so much!

Your wife, Lucy.

As Natsu put the letter and his shakes aside, he finally saw the gift in its full glory. It was a picture. The frame was a simple wooden one. The picture inside though, was one that Natsu had to laugh at.

Natsu was holding Nashi up, diaper dripping. He had the most disgusted face he had ever seen, but could understand why. Even though the picture was old, it still showed the wet spot on Natsu's jacket. Nashi himself looked pleased. He was laughing, and squirming in Natsu's outreached hands. Lucy wasn't in the picture.

With a chuckle, Natsu put the picture on top of the scarf in the box. This'll be good. With the widest grin he had had in a long time, Natsu walked out and into the kitchen.

"Hey! I got something for you, Nashi!"