The Unthinkable Truth

Lesson 4: Be Yourself

Steve had come back and so had Sam and the rest of the team, they had been gone so long routines had been developed. And suddenly those routines were disrupted, it had been nearly two weeks since your last 'lesson' with Bucky. You had only seen him on brief occasions, in which the only exchange was a brief nod to each other before one of you left the room.
There was a small part of you that was hoping with everyone coming back that Bucky would still come and see you. You knew it was foolish but he had started to grow on you. Once again you became more of the ghost the team thought of you as, you'd work out, train and then go about your own day. Including separating yourself for everyone, finding solace in your quiet hiding places.
It was on your return trip to your room that you over heard Bucky and Steve.
"You finally did it? You finally asked the girl out?" Steve asked, you could hear the amusement in his voice. You wanted so desperately to be happy for him but you felt your heart sink just a bit.
"Yeah," You heard Bucky chuckle. "Just never been this nervous."
You ducked into your room, closing the door softly. Laying down on your bed, flat on your stomach, staring at the headboard. You cursed yourself a bit, you had started to let him in. It had years since you had let your guard down, you wished you could talk to some like everybody else did.
"Y/n?" Bucky's voice softly called out as you heard the door open.
"Yes, Barnes?" You replied flatly, you heard his soft footsteps as he crossed over to your bed.
"You okay?" He asked as the bed dipped under his weight. You rolled to your side propping yourself up on your elbow.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?" You gave him a fake smile, hoping he would ended his questioning and the concerned look on his face.
"Sorry I haven't been around in a while." He told you, giving you a soft smile.
"Your friends are back, can't blame you." You shrugged, his brows knitted together at your comment.
"I thought we were friends." He said, confused by your comment.
"Look, ice block, I don't have friends. Just people I tolerate, some more then others. Nothing personal." You remarked, trying your best not to let it show that you were actually hurting and that you missed his presence.
"Oh." You could see the disappointment in his face his eyes drifted back down to his hands. "Just thought I'd tell you I have a date tonight, maybe get some pointers."
"Bucky, look at me." You said, taking a deep breath. His eyes shot back up to yours. "Lesson four, be yourself."
"What?" He chuckled completely shocked at what had just said. You couldn't help the smile that came to your face.
"I'm only going to say this once, and if you repeat it I'll deny it and slit your throat in your sleep." You exclaimed holding his eye contact. "You are a good man, James Barnes, no matter what you think about yourself. You are a good person at heart and any girl would be lucky to have your affection."
Slowly a smile spread from ear to ear on his face, making your heart leap in your chest. He clasped your hand briefly, nodding as he gave it a quick squeeze. He rose to his feet, letting go of your hand as he walked to your door, stopping and looking back to you.
"Whether of not you know, you're a good friend, y/n." He said before walking out, leaving you wishing it was more then then just friendship.
~~~
Bucky was nervous when he met her at the arcade, he was dressed down. He had let her pick the place, thinking of everything you had told him. Letting her decide where, sounded like a good option. She beamed up at him as he held open the door for her, a breeze caught her loose skirt causing it to sway slightly.
It was loud, that's the first thing he noticed upon entering. Between the fast pace music, the chatter and the sounds of games it was overwhelming. He took a deep breath and followed his date as she wove around large groups of people. The air was stale, that was the second thing he picked up on. Old popcorn, sweat, perfume mixing in the recycled air. It was warmer inside then it probably should be, mainly due to the fact there was so many people crowded in that tight of a place.
Instinctively Bucky caught himself checking for exits, finding escapes routes. His chest was already starting to tighten as he neared the game she standing next to. It was zombie hunting game, she grinned over to him.
"Come on Bucky, this is one of my favorites." She beamed putting quarters into it, grabbing the bright green rifle from its spot. He grabbed the other, his fingers sliding against the hard plastic as another wave of anxiety rippled through him.
The game cued up, and a distorted figure of a human popped up, its body retching awkwardly as it got larger on the screen. His body reacted naturally, pulling the trigger without thinking. The fake dead people on the flat screen gave him something to focus on while his heart thudded heavily.
The lights from the game were third thing to assault his sense, the flickering between the colors going from light to dark. His metal finger twitched in his glove, he could feel the plates in his arm begin to recalibrate. Everything seemed to amplify suddenly, the sound of some kid chewing pop corn became louder then it should, the trickle of sweat trailing its way down his neck. His was becoming agitated, he could feel it in the way gripped the toy gun.
"I can't do this." He said setting the gun down, looking over to her. "I'm sorry."
Bucky turn abruptly and left, the air outside was cool and it greeted him wonderfully. All he could think about was calm and relaxing places. And you.
~~
You sat on one of the large rocks, knees tucked up under your head. It was quiet, as it always was and all you could thinking about was Bucky. Hoping he was having a good time while silently wishing he wasn't. You had chided yourself on more then one occasion about that, wanting to him around.
"Hey." A voice said startlingly you from your current thought. You looked over and saw Bucky dressed as he had when he left only a few short hours ago.
"You're back early." You remarked as he crossed over and joined you on the boulder.
"Yeah, I realized that I'm not a big fan of arcades." He chuckled, rubbing the nap of his neck.
"Don't like being around kids?" You stated emphasizing on the word kids.
"Guess not, doll." He said looking over at you and smirking. "Think I can only tolerate one of those."
"Oh really, popsicle?" You grinned, your heart fluttering a bit.
"Yeah," He took a breath, his face becoming serious. "Look.."
Your phone went off at that precise moment, it was Steve, suit up, we have a mission. Bucky had pulled his from his pants at the same time. Both you looked up at each other, faces falling, and then both of you leapt off the boulder.