ON HOLD Inhumane

Inhumane

Chapter One

House is a hard character to write, sorry if it sucks.

House looked down at his hands. They

were cold and numb thanks to the artic conditions in Jersey. Wilson had offered him a ride to his place, House had declined, knowing that Wilson wanted to talk about the now dead patient. House couldn't get to her in time. He let her slip between his fingers. The man actually had a regret and a pang of guilt building up inside of him.

It's what made us all human. The pain, sadness, guilt, and pride we all felt. House didn't want to feel human at the moment. Stupid time, stupid stupid time. If only he had gotten to Cuddy in time. No one had told House that Cuddy had even been admitted to a hospital. They didn't want House to know.

One of his dearest friends was dying and House was denied access to see her. House felt chills run up his spine and not from the cold conditions either. His feelings got in the way of his inhumane tasks. House got to his appartment, 221 B. Then opened the door with his nearly frozen hands. Cuddy always told him to wear gloves in this type of weather, there would be no Cuddy next winter to remind him to bundle up. There would never be a Cuddy in House's life again.

The sad song played over and over, House was hitting every note perfectly, timely. He could control his piano, while everything around him could crash and burn. All his focus was channeled in on the piano. House mastered Beethoven. Piano was something his father never approved of. House's father wanted him to be tough, strong, fearless. House hated his father for it.

The long nights he spent sleeping alone outside, the public humilaition every time his father thought he was being "too feminine", the caning he got on his twelfth birthday, it had drawn House away from the man, and turned him bitter. House wanted to be nothing like his father.

But House did want to be a father. He wanted to be a father to Cuddy's child. Beautiful, strong little Rachel. House wanted to take her to work and have Cuddy shake her head in humor at him. He wanted to have happy memories with Cuddy and the baby. House didn't know who he fell in love with more; Cuddy or her baby girl.

Something about Cuddy's demise did confuse House. He was told that Rachel was in his custody now. He didn't think he could raise a baby. The thought of turning into his father frightened him more than anything. He didn't know what he would do if he accidentally hurt Rachel. Surely it would kill him. Rachel was left with Cameron and Chase for the time being. House wasn't in any shape to take care of her yet. He still had to take care of the hospital.

Everything had been entrusted to him. Cuddy's office, Cuddy's desk, Cuddy's baby, Cuddy's employees, her hospital. It was all very overwhelming to House. He didn't just want his team of Foreman, Cameron, and Chase, he needed them. Now that he was boss he wouldn't have a team and Foreman would be taking over as head of diagnostics.

House still wondered why no one told him that Cuddy had been dying, she gave him everything she had when she died. House didn't want it. He wanted Cuddy. He wanted to feel her body pressed against his, kissing his cheek and telling im to stop being such a smart ass. House needed that comfort. Her sassy ways made his day. Hearing what she'd say back to his feminist comments on her boobs or butt always made him smile.

Cuddy was his wall, his protector, he hoped that that's what he was to her, but he didn't stop her from dying. He failed, he couldn't save her from the inevitable. House slammed the keys down as this thought entered his mind. He kept reminding himself that he was a brilliant doctor to make himself feel better, but he didn't believe anything he said. He didn't feel too brilliant at the moment.

The phone rang. House didn't want to answer. He would get pity from the few nurses who didn't hate him, or he would find out that he owned another of Cuddy's most prized possessions everytime he answered the phone. That in itself was too much for one person to handle. House wouldn't let himself think in such human ways though. He hardened his emotions to a still. Luckily for him it was Wilson on the other end. House had always played the smart ass card with Wilson, but right now he was glad that Wilson could always see through his sly protector. 'I'm a mess.' House thought. Finally, House stopped being inhumane. He stopped protecting and shielding his thoughts and emotions. He picked up the phone and waited for Wilson to start talking.

"House, are you okay?" Wilson was panicking. Much like House had been. "What gives me the right to be okay?" House asked. "I would ask if you're okay, but obviously you're not. The sniffling and sobbing gives it away." Wilson stopped sniffling and sobbing. "Can I come over?" He sounded distant to House. House replied, "please, I don't think either of us can stand to be alone right now."