The Realm of Comics [Avengers Oneshot]

    "Okay, so, Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker walk into a bar." Tony snickered as he drove his red sports car all too fast for Steve Roger's and Bruce Banner's liking.

    "Man of Iron, who is this...Obi Wan Kenobi you speak of?" Thor frowned in bewilderment, not fazed in the slightest by Stark's unruly driving.

    "It doesn't matter." Bruce sighed. "Just please, Tony. No more 'walking into a bar' jokes."

    "Okay, fine." the inventor huffed. "And Hammer Time, I'll explain it to you once we get there."

    "Stark." Steve frowned, clutching the car door as they took a sharp turn to the left. "Why are you dragging us out here to San Diego, again?"

    If we ever make it there. Steve thought dryly to himself. And I thought the plane ride was bad enough with all of the Star Track, Start Trek-whatever it was called- episodes.

    "I told you, Captain Crunch." Iron Man sighed. "Comic-Con. It's a convention where all of the middle-aged men emerge from their mother's basements to talk about the comics and TV shows they love with others like them."

    "Why are we going, again?" Bruce remarked, face slightly green. It was unknown if it was because of the stress of the car ride or the motion sickness due to the disjointed movements of the vehicle. "Tony, have you ever even read a comic book?"

    "Of course." Stark scoffed. "Admittedly, that was before I discovered the magic of Playboy Magazine. Mostly, I'm interested in going because Comic-Con is the only place where you can see scantily clad ladies in an acceptable setting that isn't a bar or strip club."

    "And the shocking truth is revealed." Steve muttered sarcastically.

    "Aw, come on, Cap." said Stark, looking over his shoulder to wink at him. "You need to get out there more. Chat up some dames, eye some gams."

    The Captain sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. He already had a feeling that it was going to be a very long day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The quartet eventually arrived at the convention center where the long-anticipated event was being held.

    "Stark, you do realize we're going to have to blend in, right?" Banner piped up. "All chaos would break loose if people realized that the real Avengers were here."

    Tony smirked at them and hopped out of the car, digging in the trunk before he procured a duffel bag.

    "I took the liberty of assembling our disguises." he told them, slipping a plastic Iron Man mask over his face.

    Banner and Rogers both groaned.

    "Your thinking is wise, Man of Iron." Thor agreed. "We do not wish to arouse mayhem in the Realm of Comics."

    Tony handed Thor, who was dressed in Midgardian clothes, a red cape that velcroed at the front, a plastic viking helmet, and a styrofoam hammer. 

    To Bruce he gave an emerald t-shirt that had the Hulk's muscles printed on it along with some green, foam muscle hands. Steve received a plastic shield that mimicked his along with a plastic Captain America mask.

    Once everyone had changed into their completely covert costumes, Stark herded the group inside.

    "Here we are!" he exclaimed excitedly, a kid in a candy shop of colorful action figures and comic books beckoning to be admired.

    "Very intriguing." Thor nodded, frowning in surprise as a woman strutted by dressed like a female version of him.

    "Okay, we need to ensure that we stick together." Cap said, holding a map of the convention center in his hands, examining it. "We can all pick something we want to do and try to fit that in, possibly more if we're all in agreement. So, what do you guys want to do first?"

    He looked up to find that he was alone in a crowd of strangely dressed people, none of his teammates in sight.

    "Great." sighed Steve, stuffing the map into his pocket and going to look for Thor, deciding the God of Thunder was the one to need guidance the most.

    Well, him or Tony. he thought, pushing through the crowd.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Bruce Banner glanced around the busy convention center, thinking that he might buy something for Clint since he and Natasha were working and Hawkeye was disappointed that he wasn't able to join the small group in attendance.

    He meandered through the crowd to flip through a few posters in a store, taking in the amiable chatter surrounding him and the energetic atmosphere.

    The doctor's hand reached for a Doctor Who poster the same moment that another person's did.

    "Oh, I'm sorry." he apologized, looking up and freezing in surprise as he recognized the man. "Coulson?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "And then, with a mighty blow I struck my foe down with one sweep of my hammer!" Thor roared, laughing. 

    A group had gathered around him to listen to his stories.

    "Wow, how do you do Thor's accent so well?" a guy cosplaying as the eleventh Doctor questioned.

    "I do not comprehend the meaning of your words." Thor frowned. "This is how I speak."

    "Thor!" Steve's voice yelled over the crowd of people as he, Banner, and Coulson raced towards him.

    "Son of Coul, you are attending the festivities!" the god said loudly.

    "Yeah, but my time's been cut short." Phil muttered as he and the others steered Thor away, cutting through the crowd quickly. "We have to get out of here before we're spotted."

    "Why?" Thor asked in confusion. "Whatever is the problem?"

    "Tony crashed a Firefly reunion panel to get Nathan Fillion's autograph." Bruce sighed. "Now he's being swarmed by fans. He also let it leak that we're here, which can be problematic."

    "Look! There they are!" a voice yelled.

    "Run!" Steve said urgently as the Avengers fled the building.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "In recent news, avid fans ran rampant at the San Diego Comic-Con this afternoon when several members of the Avengers made a surprise appearance." a newscaster reported on the TV.

    Clint smirked, looking up as Cap, Thor, Stark, and Banner entered the main floor of the Avengers Tower.

    "So, how was Comic-Con?"

    "I don't wanna talk about it." Tony muttered, holding his autograph from Nathan Fillion that had been nearly ripped to shreds by crazed fans.

    "I wish to return to the Realm of Comics again!" Thor bellowed gleefully.

    "Don't worry, Thor." Hawkeye chuckled. "Maybe next year you can convince Fury and Natasha to take you. I'm sure they would be delighted."

    "I shall ask now!" the blonde said enthusiastically, going to find them.

    "Let's never speak of this again." Steve sighed to everyone's agreement. "No more Realm of Comics for us."