Comfort

The room was loud and the people tiring. Matthew questioned why he even arrived, though he wasn't complaining. It was warm in the home of his step-brother, which was a nice greeting in comparison to the biting cold of the dark, Autumn air outside running up his exposed legs.

Though the rusted red and worn-out white lettered hoodie he wore kept him warm, the stupid outfit he picked out was far from comfortable. Upon Alfred's notice of his party, which was a very sore poke at his lack of an adventurous social life, Matthew knew he wanted to go. But he wasn't looking forward to it with an eager grin and mood; he was looking forward to the drinks and the very brief social interaction.

The small and quick "Hey, how are you?"s and "What's been going on?"s gave him a sense of normalcy. It was a keen reminder that, yes, he was still indeed living - and that, yes, he wasn't totally alone. He hoped his fear of isolation would have been long lost with his edgy phase back in high school, but quickly learned it was a legitimate concern for him the more he grew and became accustomed with every passing day.

But his brother; or rather, step-brother, Alfred never had that concern. In fact, Alfred always saw the fear to be irrational, as he couldn't think of a single situation in which you would be completely isolated. There would always be people and things to know and see; living with fear of being completely alone was total bullshit for the younger, and more extroverted, of the pair.

Growing up together, shared milestones only seemed to stress the stark differences between the brothers. Getting braces on together; Matthew hated every moment, while Alfred was proudly parading with different colored brackets every month. Going to their first day together in high school; Matthew was sleep deprived and nearly passed out through all his classes, while Alfred ended the day with club forms packed in his backpack and a jump in his step. First homecoming; Alfred had all his new guy-friends over eating food and playing games before the dance, while Matthew was out quietly eating with a girl he barely knew as his "date" with her very strict and pressing family. More events followed and followed, only leading to more hilarious (though also painfully awkward) photographs of the pair through their teen years. Long story short, Alfred was always the independent extrovert sense his youth, and Matthew was always different in comparison to him.

But Matthew still did care for his spontaneous sibling, regardless of how many times Alfred made him want to either shoot him or shoot himself. With their adolescent years only being a memory now, with maturity and adulthood long sense being the reality of their lives, there were many other priorities set.

Alfred went straight to a state University after he graduated at the top of his class, only a little short of being Valedictorian. He majored in Economics and Business and kept good grades, while also maintaining his very avid social life. He was rarely seen without a grin on his face and always had everything under control; but as a result of his perfectionist tendencies and need for order. After he graduated, he got first hands on an amazing job out of state, and came back five years later with enough dough to buy a beautiful house in the suburbs with a large yard and white fence out front. Now only 27, he has his life planned out in an easy road ahead of him, which he can cruise on in a vintage car of his choice with a beautiful wife in the passenger seat.

Matthew, however, wasn't that lucky. He graduated alongside Alfred because he got held back a year when he was younger, and high school was pure hell for the blond. Because Alfred seemed to have a hold on his life and aspirations he needed to fulfill, all the money their parents saved up for years went to him to pay for his costs and fees. It was a hard blow for him to take. Years of feeling inadequate in comparison to his sibling eventually had its toll, and it wasn't long after graduation that he found himself in the office of a local psychiatrist. Though his low self esteem was the initial reason for seeking help, one appointment turned to ten, and he realized he had a lot more issues below the surface. Using work as a vice, because he couldn't afford anything else, he found enough money to get himself a shitty apartment in the slum of town. Years distancing himself from his family because of his constantly declining mental health left him alone, and the fear of isolation that was lingering in the back of his mind only cemented.

Matthew's struggles with depression escalated into suicidal thoughts and tendencies, but he held on. The life he hated was the only one he knew, and he never wanted to regret taking it away from himself. Getting more help from a professional, and unfortunately growing dependent on self medicating with alcohol, the daily turmoils of life only seemed to be hitting him worse and worse.

Matthew considers it a wonder that he's still alive; but none of the less, he's thankful. Years of therapy did start to seriously help him, and he developed a gradual habit of just doing small things that challenged his issues. That starting point lead to more and more improvement. Through the self medicating, he did develop an issue with alcohol, but has sense refused to let himself succumb back into the habit.