A/n ik the last ones a joke but maybe this one isn't hmmmm you'll have to find out. (I have sinned have some bleach)
It was humid summer night in Alabama. The street lights twinkled with the stars and the honking of the cars created a soft melody. It was a very peaceful night, it was a shame that James was not going to such a peaceful place. He stepped inside to where he really needed to be on a Saturday night: the club.
Music blared, sweat was in the air and, the smell of alcohol was intoxicatingly sweet. This was where he wanted to be 24/7 this is where he felt at home. Taking a seat at the bar James ordered his usual: a Alabama Slammer. That's when they walked in. They looked shy yet somehow confident. The way they rolled their hips almost magically when they walked. The way they tossed their hair and bit their small bottom lip. They were a walking sex appeal, But... they were also a guy. 'What the frickle daddle do am I thinking? I'm not gay.' 'This isn't a gay club, the fuck?'
Lost in my thoughts trying to convince myself I'm 100% straight. I almost didn't notice the person sliding in the seat right next to me, and a melodic voice asking for a drink. I looked over and it was them, the same sexy guy. Just my luck I quickly became the stereotypical panicked gay. 'Fuck me gay.' 'Hot mama mia.' 'Why sit here man there's so many seats.' 'Oh my god he's prettier up close the fuck.' 'Why is he so hawwwwt??' 'I'm a straight male man why you do dis.' 'Def not straight anymore.' 'OH GOD HES LOOKING AT ME!' 'ABORT ABORT ABORT.'
"Uh can I help you?" They say.
yes you can fuck me but I can't say that
"Uh, nothing in particular why?"
nailed it
"It just seemed that you were staring at me for a very long time?"
fuck didn't nail it
Flustered I panicked of course. "Well I just saw you and you looked really cuteforaguyandithinkyoujustturnedmegaybutimstraightnohomobutatthesametimeallthehomo."
fuck
He simply laughed and the laugh was quite angelic might I add. He raised an eyebrow adding a smirk as he scooted closer.
He leaned over to my ear and whispered "Is that so? Because trust me I can work with all the homo."
PANIC GAY PANIC SYSTEMS SHUTTING DOWN NEED REBOOT PANIC GAY COCK A DOODLE DO MATHA FUCKA
"Well..I..um..fuck." I could feel my face getting as red as a crime scene with a lot of blood. This is soooo embarrassing. I buried my face in my hands as a sign of defeat.
He simply took a sip of his drink and scooted as close as he could get. He took my hands off my face and laid them in his lap. "Hey no need to be embarrassed my name is Ben but my friends call me Bean. What's your name mister nervous?"
"Uh my name is James." I managed to get out awkwardly.
"Mmm James I like it. Say James-" He leaned closer and seductively whispered in my ear. "You seen like a submissive in bed. Am I wrong?" He said sending shivers down my spine.
I just met this guy how does he manage to effect me this much? And how did he know that I'm submissive in bed the fuck? Is he some kind of wizard I bet he's a wizard a magical gay ass sexy wizard.
In the end this bitch was a magical gay ass wizard who only wanted to suck the life out of you so they could stay immortal. Thankfully James got away with half of his life force. In short fuck u Ben.
