Survival of the Fakest

The Truth can Suck, But Lies are Worse...

For the last 2 years of my life all the women in my family have stayed hounding me about makeup. "Why don't you go put some on, you'll look nicer" "If you put makeup on maybe you'll will look less fat" "Makeup will help you look prettier, or as pretty as you can look"... Yeah for comments about something that's supposed make you more pretty, they're pretty gruesome, I know. But see for the last two years, I just made excuses, or just complied to end the jabs and jaunts being made towards my face. But in truth it was because every morning I would put on so much emotional "makeup" to cover up all my flaws, that the thought of putting on more to cover my outside, was just pure grueling. See for me there were essentials, like appearing stable, strong, confident, and bitchy. And then the unbearable "pleasantries" such as, hiding my appearance from people, allowing myself to feel beautiful when I wasn't, and of course the pressure to live up to the status quo.

Recently society has began to unravel and accept the idea of plus size people, and just as with anything else, they have painted a picture, set a standard, a line of limits, a set if expectations, that us plus sizers must fit into. And if we don't then what are we to be considered then? Well I guess the answer is quite simple: alone. Because that's what we are, we are all isolated in one way or another, if we do not live up to society's expectations, and sure you can find comfort in someone else who is alone, but for how long? How long until they rise up to the standards and leave you behind? Thats the real question isn't it? That's the real struggle we all face, tomorrow. No one knows what it may bring or what it won't bring better yet. And that's what scares us, the uncertainty of our futures. Not knowing who will stand by our side tomorrow, is what makes us strive to fit within the margins set by society. And honestly that's sad in an of itself, the fact that we have to try to be approved by another human is just pitiful. I mean what makes them better than me? Because they can fit into a zero and I wear an eighteen? That doesn't make them better, just smaller, so honestly what makes them feel as though they are superior to me. Maybe it was the lack of love or atention they recieved from their parents as children, or maybe it's because they have a higher pay grade than me. All I know, is it's messed up, we all have the same thing flowing through our veins, we all have two eyes, one nose, ten toes, and ten fingers, or at least generally we all do, my point being is that getting down to the antomy we are all the same, so why do they get the right to judge me?

Well, anyway I'm digressing, but my intitial point was how feel compeled to change my appearance to please others. Because thats how I was raised, to disregard however I feel, and instead focus on what others feel and think. Hell of a way to live right?