Survival of the Fakest

Math, Messes, & Monsters

Being the one person in your family that is never surrounded by gratitude, love, and happiness, sucks. But being the one that is a "lazy, good-for-nothing, fat, unwanted child" is even worse. Now add both, and an abusive background, compiles to be the complete package, labeled under hot mess, subtract the "hot" and emphasize the "mess". And I'd say "and add some meds", but that's more my mothers area of expertise. See and I thought math was useless. Kinda like me... Or at least that's what I'm told every hour of the day like clockwork. It sucks, but 'wah' what am I gonna do, when it's my father saying it, and my sisters, but I suppose it began with the physco, known as my mother. She is so crazy that even a top grade nut house would reject her, and you might think that's a terrible thing to say, but it's true. Do you know another junkie that would go to such extreme lengths to legal obtain "property of her kids", only to abuse them non-stop when she's with them? It's like she has memory loss or something. Speaking of memory, isn't it weird how the to test thing can trigger so many at once. Like yesterday, I was sitting in the couch and for once in this godforsaken house it was fricking quiet, and I was just sitting here lost in thought, and suddenly I had kind of like a flashback, but it was so real, it was almost unreal, (for a lack of batter words), anyway, though it was as if I was right there 2 years ago. This particular flashback was of a beating I took 2 years ago, I can't remember what we were arguing about but she was in my face screaming, and my whole body was screwed up in a ball, with my lower half of my legs jutted out in a kicking position, for protection, but you could tell I was unsure, and really wouldn't do anything. But the monster standing above me apparently didn't see it as that, she saw it as a challenge to her authority, to her position, to her intimidation. So being the "superior" she was, she had to assure and prove her power, and that's just what she did.