Ashes - (Sequel to Dark Flame)

Ch. 6

"What do you mean by 'He's dead'? How can he be dead?" I asked angrily through the phone. Another one of our men had been killed. Third time this week, actually. 

"Jules, calm down. We think he may have been the target of a drive-by." Zayn said.

"Where was he?" 

"He was walking groceries in with his wife."

I felt sick. 

"He can't be dead! I don't understand, Zayn..." I said.

"You don't understand what?"

"How there can be so much bad in the world."

"What do you mean?"

"How someone could just go and kill someone?" I began to cry. "They had a purpose too...It's not fair."

"Life isn't fair, Juliet. I figure you, more than anyone, could understand that..." He left me with that.

There were three men dead. Three funerals. Three families upset. Three lives that will never get to be lived until old age. 

I needed to get out of..this. 

I began to search all around the house for my secret money stashes. By the end of my search, I only had enough to leave the city, not the country. I sat on my couch and put my head in my knees. It was cold outside, and inside. I went to grab Liam's jacket; the one thing that kept me warm the most when I needed it. I heard something fall out of it. It was an evelope with "Juliet" written on it.

My dearest Juliet, 

Darling, you're the most wonderful person I've ever had in my life. It hurts...no, it KILLS me to know that you may never love me half as much as you said you used to...I feel so alone in this world. I always have. Everyone has always been so foreign to me; until you. I thought I had you all figured out. Every single aspect of you down to what kind of dental floss you use and which one hurts your gums the most. Or why you always go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays. Actually, I never figured that one out. Maybe you're just really religious, or maybe you have some sort of guilty past? Oh well, I never asked you anything like that because I was worried. I was always worried you would change your mind, and think of me as a scary gang member, like everyone else. But you're not like anyone else. You're different. I can't quite figure out what makes you different from everyone else. Just something that's there. I knew it from the moment I met you; your hair was messily put in a ponytail, and your red lipstick was faded, but despite those flaws, I fell in love. I am in love; careless, dangerous love. I wish I could have been there to see our son when he was born. I'm a shit father, and I only have myself to blame for that. Give him a kiss for me when you read this letter? I'm not sure when that will be though...I placed this in the secret pocket of my jacket. Yes, I left my jacket on purpose. I knew you wouldn't take the money I have enclosed in the envelope, so I had to leave it somewhere only you would find it. I miss you. I really do. I'll try to send a letter for you both as soon as possible...but, babe, I don't know how much longer I can live without you. I was watching a movie the other day, it's called 'End of Watch', have you heard of it? It had gang violence in it..that's why I watched it. Anyways, a line from this movie caught my attention. The guy was talking about how the first thing his grandma asked him when he decided he loved the girl he was going to marry was "But can you live without her?", and Juliet, it really got me thinking. Can I live without you? I don't think I can. In fact, I haven't been 'living' without you these past months. I've been doing quite the opposite. I've felt myself slowly dying inside...and it's beginning to consume my every thought. Should I stay on this Earth? Or should I let myself go? You'd have no problem finding a wonderful man, with a real job, like a doctor or a lawyer. I wanted to be so many things, and I'm just...this. A waste. A sham of what, I imagine, could have been something great. Maybe I could have found a cure for cancer? Or I could have saved a child from a burning building.

There were so many things I could have had in my life, Juliet. 

And out of all of those things, I'm just happy I had you for the short time that I did. 

I love you, and Leo, so very much. 

-Liam x

I felt heartbroken. Liam was so alone in his world, and I didn't do anything about it. I knew I had to find him. I knew he was still alive. I looked in the envelope, because he had mentioned money. There was a check, entitled to me, worth over $20,000. Shit, how rich was he? It's just enough to take Essie, and our children, and find him. 

It was my new project, since Zayn seemed to have everything in control, since he never called to ask if I could do anything. 

I will tell Essie tomorrow about the plan, and see if she agrees or not.

Either way, I knew what I needed to do now. 

AN: sorry for another AN, but i would just like to apologize, yet again, for my absence on this story...i know at the beginning of June I said I would update more, but that was before the stress of moving came to mind..Anywho, thank you for still reading, and I will update next week! (and probably a lot through out the school year!) thanks for reading/voting/commenting!