(unedited)
I've always been a dreamer. It's hard not to be when you're instinctively forced to see as many possibilities as you can. But sometimes those instinctual thoughts are not the best way to go about your life.
All my stories start with something real, something that rings true in every sense possible. But even when I write with the intent of the story being true through and through, I can't seem to make it happen. Somewhere near the middle of the story, my mind begins to drift and those unrealistic dreams come into play.
The plot of the story becomes more and more unrealistic with every word I write, and it eventually leads to something so unusual that it seems just about impossible.
Even this story about a dreamer gone astray will end in another dream. I can't help but write my stories down in the way I wish for them to go.
But what happens when your story goes nothing as you wrote it down to be?
I'm used to my real life stories having different endings than my written down stories, but one story in particular completely destroys the idea of mind over matter. It's a story that still hasn't ended, and a story that will be written down with a dreamy ending that will likely not occur.
There's a boy who has influenced my life in such a way that I don't want to know what it would be like to live without him. Except I do know what it would be like to live without him, and it's a literal hell.
He is my home, my safe place, favorite destination. Everyone has told me to ditch him, and I refuse. He has put me through hell, and I choose to stay by his side even when it feels like he doesn't care.
He has cheated on me, destroyed my friendships, tore down my confidence, and made me feel worthless to the point of trying to commit suicide.
But he has also stayed loyal to me, given me new friendships, built up my confidence, and been there for me to convince me that suicide is not the way to go.
Maybe I'm stupid for staying with him, and maybe this relationship will eventually kill me, but I love him nonetheless.
The course our story has taken lines up with nothing in my written down version. The written down version says that I move on from him, that I find someone better, that I learn to choose myself over others.
But reality shows that I stay with him, that he is the only one good enough for me, and that I can choose myself over others while still being there for them when they need me.
The two plot lines don't match up, but they both end happily in one way or another.
I like to think that the realistic version ends the same way as the written down version this time. This time, I keep my home in my life, and he learns to treat me the way I deserve to be treated, and I get to live happily ever after.
If the realistic version could go the same way, I would thank the gods for an eternity, because maybe this time, a dreamer led astray by her own thoughts of happiness can lead her right to where she needs to be.
Word count: 569
