i would miss you the most || Byler

🌑Dissatisfied🌑

Authors note - This is a Byler story that takes place about 2 years after the events of Season 2, Mike is seventeen and Will is sixteen.

⚠️Trigger Warning ⚠️  Blood, Gore, Suicidal Thoughts, Mentioned Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia.
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Mike often looks at himself in the mirror and wonders why anyone is friends with him. He knows he isn't ugly, but he knows he is far from beautiful. He can't stand anything about his appearance, his skin always makes him look like a ghost even on good days. His hair can't decide if it's black or brown, and it won't curl naturally but it also won't ever lay straight. He has disgusting moles and freckles all over his face, and his eyes are a dull, cold brown.

His sister obviously got all the right genes from his parents, leaving none left for him. He was tall, and lanky and he hated that he hadn't filled out like most of the boys in his year. He was 17 for Christ's sake, and he just couldn't seem to beef up. He often wished for a different body and thought about how different things would be if he had filled out like Lucas, or was delicate and beautiful like Will. Sometimes he wanted to claw his skin off of his body just to look different. His head filled with thoughts before bed, he brushed his teeth and nearly threw himself onto his bed.

He tossed and turned thinking of how he could never be strong or muscly like other guys, or even small and sweet like Will. Mike had a special place in his heart for Will. Will had been his best friend for too long for mike to screw it all up with his feelings. Mike loves his best friend and that's just another reason why he's so disgusting.

His father had said for the longest time that being a faggot was unnatural, and his mother never disagreed. It's not like his parents even cared to notice that he hasn't had much of an interest in girls anyway (besides Eleven of course, but that fizzled out quickly after El realized she didn't really know what she was doing and needed some time to grow up), and he doesn't know why they even bother caring about anything else. His parents never seemed to give a fuck until it was convenient for them to. His mom used to be his best ally, but know he was pretty sure she didn't even love his father anymore, so needless to say, Karen has her own problems. God, he is such a fuck up, his parents don't even care about him.

He couldn't take it anymore, he needed to do something to get rid of all his horrible thoughts. Mike glanced at his supercom and thought about to talking to Will to resolve his problems. Fixing his gaze on the toy longer than he should have, he figured Will had his own problems. He didn't need to hear your bitching, Michael.

Mike grabbed the shoe box so carefully hidden in the back corner of his closet beneath a box of old clothes, and examined the blades it held within. He picked a dull industrial blade up and lifted the hem of his sleep shorts to reveal his scar ridden thighs. That's just another thing that makes you unlovable, Mike thought to himself as he fidgeted with the blade.

Mike liked dull blades because in order for the cuts to be as painful as it would be with a sharp blade, you have to go deeper. It leaves scars longer, but it's so he can remind himself why he did it in the first place. He stopped moving the blade between his fingers and lowered it to his scarily pale legs.

Faggot
Unlovable
Burden
Queer
Disgusting
Stupid
Fairy
Disappointment
Worthless
Unimportant
You should stop cutting yourself and just end it for real this time.

Mike stopped, hand shaking. Eleven cuts, but you couldn't see them through all the blood. He had gone to far. He hurriedly pulled out the first aid kit and wrapped his legs with gauze to stop the bleeding. He was shaking and so the bandages weren't as tight as they should have been, and all it did was mop up just a little blood before it started to spill back out of his thighs and onto the floor.

He had to see Will. He knew what time it was, but he needed someone. No, not someone, Will. His hand darted over to his supercom so fast he almost knocked it off his table.

"Will, are you there? Over," Mike murmured into the speaker. "I know it's late... but it's an emergency, Will." He spoke a little louder just incase Will was asleep, or the supercom was far away. Mike was just about to give up and was on the verge of panicky tears when his supercom crackled to life.

"What do you need, Mike? Are you okay?" Will breathed out carefully into the supercom.

"Can you please open your window, Will? I need to come over."

"Yeah, sure, anything Mike. Are you okay?" Will softly replied, his concern heightened. Mike quickly disregarded Will's last question and blurted out a hasty,

"Be there in ten!" While shutting off his Supercom.
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Thanks for reading, I'll update again soon as I have a few chapters prepared! :)