Tidbits

Bus Stop

This is pretty old. It was my first attempt at writing a creepypasta. It ended up twice as long as I meant it to be. I know it's bad but I don't know how to make it better - I'm horrible at suspense and scary scenes. Any advice would be appreciated! 

It was a party in the city in the home of a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend. I'd been invited via a mass invite on Facebook and went just to have something to do. My roommate, who I'd come with, had left early to study. I'd stayed behind to try to hook up with a guy. But he'd wanted to watch a movie with his friends in the friend-of-a-friend's parents' bedroom, and then he'd fallen asleep, and by then I was starting to get way too absorbed in the movie, to the point that I'd lost track of time. That's when someone snatched my purse.

I didn't think about the fact that they might have a weapon on them, that they might be bigger and scarier than me – I couldn't see who they were in the dark, they were just a flash of dark clothing dashing out of the room. I was on my feet and on their tail within seconds, pausing only to pick one of my stiletto heels off my foot.

Some party guests watched quizzically as we ran by, but they didn't try to stop the thief. I didn't expect them to – they weren't my friends, I didn't know most of them at all. The thief turned onto another street and I started to gain on them. Just as I was about to lunge for them and jab my stiletto heel into their neck, they began to slowly turn around. I jumped back and held my shoe in front of me. They kept their head down, and their long, dark hair hung out over their face. Their body was chubby and covered in loose, black robes, but a glance at their midsection revealed that the thief was a woman.

Why did she stop running? Suddenly I became aware of my surroundings – the road was almost completely dark, and no one was outside. Dark bushes lined the sidewalk. There were cars parked on the side of the road. Anyone could be in those cars. Anyone could be in those bushes.

The woman didn't want my purse. I had been lured there.

"You better give that back right now before my father sees what you did," I said, "He just got out of work and he'll be coming this way." I gestured towards the dark office building down the road across the street with a nod of the head, but I didn't take my eyes off the bushes or the woman.

She dropped the purse.

"I'm not moving," I said firmly. "Give it to me." And she bends over to pick it up, I'll knee her in the face and run.

She kept her head down, and swayed slowly back and forth. She took a few steps backward towards the edge of the sidewalk – there was a three-way intersection behind her - but I remained rooted in place.

She slowly raised her head as she pointed straight behind her.

Her face was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life; I couldn't resist gasping a little once I saw it. It was covered in piercings; her lips had a whole line of rings across them. Her skin dropped under the weight of two metal crosses hung upside-down from her cheeks. The front half of her scalp was shaved clean, and the image of a giant pentagram was carved – no, probably tattooed – on her forehead.

I gaped at her, and she swiftly turned around, turned the corner, and ran.

I grabbed my purse and took off running, too – in hindsight, I should've gone back towards the party, but I didn't want to be on that deserted street. I wanted to be somewhere with cars, stores, people. She'd gone left and pointed straight, so I took the right, which thankfully led to a shopping area. When I found myself in the midst of others, I leaned against a streetlight and rested until my breathing could return to normal.