Depression

Chapter 3: The Road To Recovery

My outlook is beginning to change, I am beginning to return back to who I was before the disease infected me, I am still infected but I am not going to let it win, it will not rule and control my life any longer, it is my life and I am in control. Fuck you depression, I will win. its going to be hard, no doubt about it but every day has been hard, each day is a struggle in one way or another whether it be big or small, physically or mentally, nothing is easy. It never will be but I guess that's just the beauty of life, you get out of it what you put in, nothing is handed to you and you aren't entitled to anything, you earn it but for some it is given, though where's the reward and satisfaction in that? Where's the pride? There is none so you gotta work your arse off for whatever you want and desire in this life. I say nothing is given to us but depression was we did not want or need it but we got it, we have to fight and beat it and we can, we just have to get out of the well and believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if we don't quite see it yet. it is there I can promise you that.

You see, I never thought like this after i was infected i was always so negative like in Chapter 1 but now I do believe there is light and I have hope, so I know that you can get into this mind-set too, I never thought I could but here I am and here you'll be too very shortly I hope. To think like this you have to let go of the anger you have, even if you don't recognise that anger, its there, then you find peace with the root of the anger, you forget it, you accept it in however way you can and you move on.

Then the sadness and loneliness, thinking no one is there for you, you remind yourself that they are, i know you might not always see it and believe it but they are I can assure you. If you're like me then you probably don't reach out to them when you're low, you hope for them to reach out to you first but remember that your friends and family are not mind readers, they do not notice every single little thing like you do and that's okay, it just means that you may need to reach out to them first or you tell them your signs and what to look for and then they will know. You do have people here for you they just might not be as observant as you and might not know how to cheer people up as well as you do but i think that's because we all know how horrible it is to feel when were down or at our worst so we don't ever want anyone else to feel that way so we do everything we possibly can and in our power to avoid that outcome for them because after all, I don't know a feeling worse than the ones that have been inside of my head and heart.

Self harm you swap for self love, stop harming yourself and start loving yourself, accept yourself for who you are and love every part of yourself especially your flaws as they are apart of you and are beautiful. Always remember everyone is different and unique but beautiful in there own way and if you don't see your beauty that's not a problem because we all see ourselves differently to how others do you just have to see yourself through others eyes, see your beauty because it is there just open your mind and eyes to it. Last you have to stop thinking negative and think positive which is so obvious and simple but is such an important step on the road to recovery because if you don't think positive you wont recognise and appreciate positive things as you will view them as negative. stars cant shine without darkness so don't see darkness as a bad thing its the bigger picture you have to look at which is the stars, you are the stars and everything happens for a reason even if you don't know what that may be.

This is not going to be easy but you can do it, I'm in the process of doing this and it is worth all the effort because I am so close to the top of the well. But if you do slip back down don't worry you can still get out because you are stronger than you think, much stronger and you have people to help you, you have hope, strength, motivation and the power to do so even if you do not see it, you have it you just have to believe in yourself like i and many others believe in you, together we will win this battle against the disease. It will not defeat us, we will defeat it. It has controlled us but now its time for us to control it. Never forget that you are strong, you are beautiful, you are brave, you are worthy and you deserve good and most importantly you do deserve this life. You will get there don't you worry, this pain in your eyes and heart will not last, happiness will replace it.