Pieces. ≫ h.s. au ≪

Chapter 15.

As we kiss, his hands rub the end of my back gently. One of my hands is messing with his hair, pulling slowly, and the other is located on his right hip. His tongue plays with mine and all I can think about is him. Everything about him.

Maybe I need him more than I thought.

More than I wanted.

More than I'll ever admit.

Maybe, I've spent so much time without being with someone that I forgot how it felt to be in contact with another human being. I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

I thought I knew what my life was going to be from the day of the tragedy. Misery. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing ever happened and I never expected anything either. That was all I knew. 

But now... Now I feel a hint of happiness creeping it's way into my life, along with guilt. I can't be happy. I can't feel joy. I don't deserve it and I never will.

"Harry..." I whisper.

"Crystal." He responds, leaning his forehead against mine. 

Our heavy breathing is somehow matching. "I..." I stop myself, not entirely sure of what to say. "I can't."

He breaks our contact and I immediately feel disappointed. His green eyes look at mine, searching for some kind of hint that will let him know what I'm thinking.

"What do you mean you can't? I though we passed that point now, didn't we?" He says once he realizes my face can't tell him anything. He takes a step back when I shake my head. 

"I don't know, Harry. I really don't know." He turns his face to the side and I can tell his mad. "Every time I start to feel a little bit happy, this feeling of guilt takes over and shuts me." He lets out a sigh when he looks back at me. I look down and he grabs my chin so I can look at him. 

"You just have to get used to it. The way I am." He says. I don't really understand what he means. He runs a hand trough his now messy hair and caresses my cheek. "God, Crystal. I never felt like this in my entire life and it scares the crap out of me." He admits and my stomach flicks.

I've never seen him so vulnerable, so... close to me. True, I don't know him that long but still, this is the first time since I've known him that I don't doubt his words.

"Please, don't give up." He adds. 

"I'm not giving up." I say, knowing that I'm lying.

"Yes, you are. You're always giving up." He points out. I know this but it doesn't make it hurt less. "But please... Please, don't give up on this, the way you feel." He practically begs me as he looks straight into my eyes. "Please, even if it kills you at first. You deserve to be happy, whether you believe it or not."

I feel the tears trying to sneak out and I bite the inside of my cheeks to stop them. 

"That's the problem, Harry. I don't think I will ever deserve it." I say, lowering my head once again. 

"You do, I promise you you do." He says and hugs me. I hide my face in the crook of his neck and let everything out. He holds me tighter when I start crying and I hold onto his shirt so hard I think I could rip it. 

"What did I do?" The words scape my mouth before I can even realize it. 

He moves a little so our eyes collide but he doesn't let me go. I know he's confused.

"What?" He practically whispers. 

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" I ask.

"I ask myself that same question every day since the moment I met you." He answers and my hold body tenses. 

"How can you say that? I didn't cause you anything but stress and problems." I ask.

I really don't understand what he sees in me. Why he doesn't leave me when we both know he would be better without me.

"True." He giggles and caresses my cheek.

It kind of scares me that just that simple touch makes me feel butterflies. I always thought that those things were bullshit, you didn't actually feel shit but now, I kind of understand what they were trying to say.

"But, you also make me feel alive. I don't... I don't know how to explain it but you do." He adds and those stupid butterflies come back.

It's so weird to feel this, this cliché feeling, it almost makes me feel normal. But I know I will never be.

We both stare at each other without saying a single word. Even without saying nothing, he's telling me everything that I need to know. Just his presence tells me that he's here, right here for me and I love that feeling. I love how it feels to know he's beside me.

I trust him.

The realization hits me like a truck and makes me want to kiss him and forget everything around me but I don't dare to do it. He seems to read my thoughts when he smiles and leans against me, pressing our lips together once again.

I grab the end of his hair and pull him closer to me, as much as I can. I don't want to breath if it means I have to stop kissing him. His hands are on each side of my face, holding me. He caresses my cheek as we kiss and I slowly run my hands through his hair.

It feels so unreal. 

When my lungs can't reach for air anymore, I push him slightly so I can breath but he leans his forehead into mine and I look to his mouth. I swear I see they are a little swollen from all the kissing but he doesn't seem to mind and neither do I. 

"I should go to bed." I say after a few minutes.

"Yeah, me too." He tells me separating our foreheads.

""Do you-" I stop before I finish.

"What?" He asks me.

I hesitate before saying the next few words. "Would you mind staying with me?" I tell him and his face lights up.

"It would be my pleasure." He says and I grab his hand to lead him to my room.

Once we reach my room, I grab an over-sized t-shirt and go to the bathroom to change while Harry stays in the room. The t-shirt ends righ below my knees so it's perfect. When I walk in my room again Harry has his shirt off and it's unbuckling his belt. I look at his back, all of the muscles in it and sight. He's too damn beautiful.

He sits in the bed and takes one of his boots and that's when he sees me, standing in the door.

"Admiring the view?" He asks, smirking at me and I roll my eyes.

"I've seen better."  I reply and he laughs.

"Sure." When he finish taking his boots off, he stands up and looks at me, with his hands on the hem of his jeans. "Do you mind?" He asks me and for a second I think he wants me to turn around. "I can sleep in my jeans if you want me to."

Oh, right.

"No, I don't care." I shrug. "Besides, those jeans have to be uncomfortable as shit. Mine are less tight." I laugh and he shakes his head smiling.

He takes his jeans off, making sure his underwear doesn't come with them. Now that would be awkward.

I approach my bed and lay in it, under the sheets and he lays next to me. I turn around to face him and I put my hand and my head in his chest. He puts his arm around my shoulder, carresing my hair.

"What time do you have to go to rehearsal tomorrow?" I ask him.

"It's in the afternoon so don't worry." He reassures me and I nod slightly.

"Are you comfortable like this? I can move if you want." I tell him, lifting my head to look at him.

He laughs before shaking his head. "I'm fine." I lay my head in his chest once again and close my eyes.

"Goodnight, Harry." I whisper and I feel him kiss me in the forehead.

"Goodnight Crystal."