Loretta of the Lamp

I don't hate you

Akil was sitting beside her mat cross-legged and looking down over her when she woke. She would have screamed, but somehow it didn't surprise her. She did however inhale a sharp breath of shock at his nearness.

"What did that mean?" he asked immediately, not concerned whether he had frightened her or not.

"What did what mean?" She knew exactly what he meant.

"The way you looked at me when you said that to Bennou about our plans?"

"Our fake plans?"

"Yes. Whatever you want to call them, our ruse, our disguise, the lie that is supposed to keep us hidden."

"He knows we are not cousins, Akil."

"Be that as it may–"

"And he knows you are not taking me to Misbah to be married off, any idiot could have realised that."

"Really? How? Why are you so sure?" his questions hit back fast and urgent, he was so agitated that Loretta didn't feel comfortable moving from where she lay looking up at him. She also didn't feel comfortable telling him how she felt so sure. She was sure he knew anyway. It probably stood out like a sore thumb that there were unaddressed feelings between them, both bad and good.

"I hate you," she said suddenly, quietly.

His agitated movements stopped dead like he had been shot. He was silent for a moment before he said, in a slightly calmer voice, "But what does that even mean? Why are you making this so difficult, Loretta?"

She pushed herself up and into a seated position now that he was slightly calmer and mirrored his cross-legged, leaning elbows on knees posture to face him.

He stared back, his pale eyes reflecting the wide open darkness of the desert. One lock of hair misplaced from his bun fell forward over his eyes. Without thinking, Loretta reached forward and pushed the lock back up onto his head.

He shivered from the shock as she ran her finger tips through his hair and then traced down the shaven side of his head. She stopped when she reached his neck and begrudgingly pulled away.

"Because I am scared," she whispered to him.

"Why?"

She frowned, "You are like a lion that has become a kitten to me. I am afraid of everything, especially how we will survive Misbah."

He took her insult fairly well. In fact he almost ignored it completely. "We will deal with Misbah when we come to it. Don't tell me I only make you feel safe when you pretend that I am your evil cousin forcing you off into an arranged marriage?" Somehow, he managed to smile ruefully.

"No," Loretta smiled because she couldn't help herself, "I just wish that I had never come into the lamp. That this had never happened. Almost more than I wish my father had not died." Stinging tears bit at the rims of her eyes when she said the words, but she truly believed that she meant it. Anything would have been better.

"I don't wish for anything to change. I am glad that I am alive," he said, his voice even and serious.

"I thought you hated me for waking you?"

"I did," he nodded in agreement, "but it is hard to hate you Loretta."

"You should tell my mother that," she said, bitterly.

"Why do you even want to go home?" he asked with a confused frown.

His question angered her, "Because my sister is there, my life is there, my friends, my family."