Little Me

CHAPTER 8: Sorrows and Goodbyes

Melissa’s POV

  I excuse myself to the bathroom to try and gather my thoughts. He sat there with tears in his eyes telling me he missed me, but me being the stupid idiot I am had to ruin that by bringing Taylor up. I didn't really care how she was but I thought I should ask seeing as she is his girlfriend. I don't know the girl but I have a sudden feel of hatred towards her for no apparent reason, its not like I even know her. Maybe its that fact that he has managed to move on and I havn't.

  That's just it though I'm hurt and even though it has been over a year I cant help but have the stereotypical view that all males are all devious and cheaters, its been set in stone since the day I got that call, the one no woman should ever have to hear.

  "He doesn't love you really...."

  All my senses had been blinded by the love I thought he had for me that I forget to look after myself. I was so busy trying to be his ideal girlfriend that I had forgotten who I really was. I tried to be perfect so that he would never leave or hurt me but I guess I tried too hard and that pushed him away. No! Stop this, I have finally gotten over blaming myself, I refuse to go back. No, I'm stronger now then I have ever been before.

  As I stare at the fractured girl looking back at me in the mirror I realize that I still amn’t fixed, my cracks are still clearly visible, making me as vulnerable as ever. This is why I cut all contact from him completely after I kicked him out, every time he is near me all my wounds begin to re-open and his infection seems to take control of my entire body all over again. It was always this way, the only cure is to forget about him completely but that seems to be impossible.

  I’ve carried the weight of him in my heavy broken heart for the last three years now and I honestly can't do it any more, I am completely drained. I have become numb to everything that has ever mattered to me and its all because of him. I cant keep going in theses circles anymore, its only making me dizzy and it’s hard to breathe.

  With one look back at the tired, weakened girl in the mirror I decide that I need to cut Harry from my life completely and if that means selling my apartment and moving away then so be.

  As I confidentially walk back to our bench, happy with the decisions I have finally made, I notice someone sitting down beside Harry and before I can catch my breathe I see the two blue eyes that destroyed my life and the confident girl crawls back in her corner and is replaced by the coward who he has made me become.

  He is talking to her like nothing has ever happened between them. He seems to have forgotten that I was even here, like I was just a shadow that has faded away with the sun buried behind the grey clouds. Before I can comprehend what I am doing my feet are carrying me out onto the cold London streets, tears streaming down my face as I run, run like I’ve never ran before. I keep letting him do this to me. He always seems to hurt me whether we are in a relationship or not. No more, he has hurt me one time too many. I'm done.

 My back slips down the wall as I let the emotions I have kept in take over my entire body. I'm shaking but I'm not sure if its from the cold or the tears flowing from my cheeks. Sometimes I wish I could erase every memory we have so maybe, just maybe I could forget Harry Styles, my first and last true love.