Emotions threaten to break free
One week of agony
It tastes familiar,
Like salty, bitter memories
It's not enough
Even though I'm crushed
My back aches in constant pain
But all I can say is I'm okay
You're being dramatic,
It's only in your head, you're fine
You're just dramatic
Hands tugging hair,
Blank, empty stares
Wiping away the the tears
Why is it easier to bear the pain?
It hurts, it hurts
"You should rate your pain."
It's not easy
It's in my head
And I feel guilty, scared, lonely
But most of all, I feel that I'm lying
Emotions thrashing,
filling its entirety
I'm ripping at the seams,
Slowly breaking
It's all too much
Every month, a week of reliving
the thing that almost killed me
I'm so close, one wrong breath away from snapping
Deep breath,
Hands shaking uncontrollably
Wet eyes, pretending like I'm not crying
Because it's not about me
She should have seen
She should have noticed me
I almost broke when she tugged
She only needs
And then it's not about me
It's about her
"You're the villain, you hurt me," she reminds
But can't you see I'm crying?
Why must you take everything I can't give?
Your greed has consumed me
And even as I fall to my knees
Giving into defeat,
You need
She's everything I don't need,
But she knows how to take advantage
Blurred emotions,
The smell of antiseptic
Knees bouncing in anticipation
I thought they'd say I was lying,
But instead there's a dark possibility
And selfishly I want it
Because it's a reason
It explains things
But maybe I can't have it
And it's so awful to need
Why can't it be okay to not be okay?
Why can't I spend my carefree days?
I have a reason to leave
To run away from agony
I have a reason to be free;
To drive East and release my everything
I can let my emotions be,
Lay still in peace and comfortability
And finally be able to breathe
Without worry tugging me
The East coast is where
I'll leave my ghosts behind
And find my bittersweet relief
