Tears roll down my cheeks
As I stare at pink sheets
I'm curled in a ball,
Trapped between grey walls
Isolated from everyone
I'm just exhausted and done
How are you?
Are you getting relief?
You have to push through
But why can't I just sleep?
It's like my pain isn't enough
My 7 is anyone else's 12
I lay nauseous and awake
Heat on my stomach
Earbuds in, trying to shut it out
Tears roll down my cheeks
Fuck, what happened to me?
I can't stop crying
And maybe it's because I feel
Like I'm lying
I'm guilty, lost in agony
If only she could see
Clutching my stomach,
Gasping for breath
I'm not okay,
Something's not right
And then I'm crying,
Sighing because I hate this
I hate crying, hate lying
All I wanted was to be better
But instead I'm miserable and bitter
This isn't me
But who I was might be lost in a dream
Maybe you should talk to someone,
You know, like therapy
It's three years old,
But now there's memories
Almost like PTSD
And then I'm guilty,
I never served,
I wasn't in the military
But the memories make it so hard to breathe
All I want is relief
Something to take away from
The crushing feeling
Something to dull my pain,
Make me feel sane
Relief
Why can't it be brief?
Why is it so hard to find?
You know, you have to think of the positive
If you think of the negative,
Bad things will find you
But they've already found me
So I'm young and bitter
Oh, relief
You're such an idealized dream
