Safe and Sound

July

Sehun is downing his nth shot when Jongin returns from the bathroom. He catches Jongin's disapproving eye, but continues to pour more soju for himself. Between the two of them, Sehun's the better drinker. Where Jongin dies out after the first bottle, Sehun can finish three and a can of beer before he begins to slur his words and make weird faces at his friends.

Surprisingly, Jongin doesn't stop him today, but rather plops down beside Sehun and pour his drinks for him. When Sehun's finished his second bottle and reaches for the third, Jongin's hand darts out to grab his wrist.

"Hey, that's enough."

Sehun shakes his wrist from Jongin's hold and blinks slowly. "You can never have enough, Jongin."

"Is there something on your mind?" Jongin asks. He snatches the bottle out of Sehun's hand and opens it himself. He waits until Sehun holds his little shot glass up before filling it. "You've been spacy." When Sehun doesn't even acknowledge his words, he slams the bottle onto the floor.

Sehun whips his head to glare at Jongin. "What the hell?"

"I've known you for six years, Sehun. I know you have something in that little head of yours that's been bugging you since we got here." Sehun sticks out the glass for a refill, but Jongin refuses to give one to him. "Can you tell me what's going on?"

Sehun scrunches his face and makes a disappointed noise. "I just want to drink all of my problems away, Jongin, is that too much to ask for?"

"Can you tell me what kind of problems you have so I can help you fix them? I don't need you going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning because you don't know what the meaning of enough is," Jongin argues. He eyes Sehun up and down, taking note of the pink dusting Sehun's cheeks and the glaze in his eyes. It's like that one night when they went to the karaoke place. "Sehun, you have to talk to me."

"Jongin."

"What?"

"Soju." Sehun waves his glass and Jongin has to stop himself from slapping it away.

"No." Jongin brings the bottle to his lips and chugs the rest of it, relishing in the fact that Sehun's eyes get wider and wider with each gulp. He doesn't even register the burn until after he's done and falls into a coughing fit.

Sehun is silent for a moment and then bursts into giggles. "You're so fucking bad at drinking, it's hilarious." He sticks his hand under Jongin's bed and rummages around being bringing out a can of beer. "Are you going to chug this too? I really want to see that."

Jongin can only groan when Sehun pops the top open and begins to drink with a smile on his face. "I didn't agree to hide your alcohol stash under my bed, Sehunah."

"Well, there are a lot of things in the world you don't have control over." Sehun licks his lips. "I want chicken."

"Shut up. Clean this up before you go to sleep. Fucking shit, Sehun. You're a mess," Jongin snaps. He has no patience today, so the curses slip out without him meaning to. The look on Sehun's face is priceless. Jongin musses up his hair and disappears into the bathroom again.

Sehun snorts and takes another gulp. He can sense the disappointment and the annoyance, but all he wants is to push Jongin's buttons. Sehun only drinks to forget, yet Jongin's presence only makes him remember. In the silence of the room, Sehun can hear Jongin talking to himself in the bathroom, only to realize that Jongin is talking to Kyungsoo and they're arguing.

He abandons his beer, opting to listen into Jongin's heated conversation with his boyfriend. But as Jongin's voice gets angrier and angrier, Sehun finds himself feeling lonelier and lonelier. He remembers the time when he was six and Dad kept on fucking yelling at Mom and she just sat there with angry tears streaming down her cheeks. Hyung had pulled Sehun into his room and started to play music as loud as he could get so that Sehun wouldn't have to hear. But Sehun did and the words haven't left his mind even after all these years.

"God, Soo, don't you get it? Why is it that I'm always the one that's apologizing to you? Stop being passive aggressive and tell me if you have a problem!"

For fuck's sake, are you really just going to sit there and cry? Stop being passive aggressive and tell me if you have a problem with the way I spend my own goddamn money, woman!

Sehun crushes the empty can in his hand. The liquid sliding down his throat is bitter and burning, melting his insides with its poison. All Sehun wants to do is cry.

Jongin's voice has tapered down so Sehun is forced to strain his ears to hear the rest of their conversation.

"Maybe it's time to take a break."

Sehun's eyes widen, unsure of why Jongin would be the one to suggest such a thing when he's completely enamored with the mere thought of Kyungsoo.

"Goodnight, Kyungsoo." The light from the bathroom floods Jongin's dark bedroom, and Jongin stands there in the doorway where Sehun is staring back at him with dazed eyes. "What?"

Sehun sighs and falls back onto the hardwood floor. "You sounded like Dad before he left," Sehun whispers. His eyelids flutter closed, and he takes deep breaths that fill him up to keep the thoughts away. "Exactly like him, Jongin."

"I don't want to deal with your shit today, Sehun," Jongin seethes. "I'm tired of all this crap."

Sehun knows Jongin's buttons are pressed alright.

So when Jongin crawls into bed and sleeps, Sehun lies on the floor while his mind purposely tries to drown itself so it doesn't have to think anymore.

When Jongin wakes the next morning, he finds Sehun still on the floor, curled up on his side while cradling a crushed beer can close to his chest. His cheeks are red, eyes puffy, and Jongin realizes that Sehun cried himself to sleep last night. Sehun isn't an emotional drunk, but he is a talkative drunk, and it gets on Jongin's nerves all the time because Sehun doesn't spill his problems, he instigates them.

Jongin unwraps Sehun's fingers from the can and becomes worried when he feels how cold Sehun's skin is. Part of him wants to leave Sehun on the floor because Sehun was being kind of really annoying last night, but another part knows that it's Sehun's weird way of coping. Jongin opts to pick Sehun up and set him on the bed, even pulling the blanket up to Sehun's chin.

"Do you hate me?"

Jongin flinches in surprise, unaware that Sehun had woken up.

"I was angry last night, Sehunah. I didn't mean a lot of the things I said," he starts.

"Oh, I know you meant it," Sehun says, voice noncommittal even though the words are heavy on his tongue. "I just wanted to know if you hated me. You know, taking care of me cause I can't do it myself. Offering up half your bed and your home cause I don't have my own. You think I'm useless?"

Jongin rubs his face with his hand in frustration. "Those words didn't mean that. I spoke them out of frustration, and I'm sorry if you took them the wrong way." In a smaller voice, Jongin says, "I'm sorry I sounded like your dad."

"That doesn't answer my question, Jongin." Sehun looks so small, so vulnerable with his cheeks all pink and his eyes shining with fresh tears. "I just don't want to feel so lonely."

"You're not lonely, Sehunah." Jongin sits down and holds Sehun's hand on his lap. "You have me. And Baekhyun and Joonmyeon, and my parents and my sisters and Grandma."

"Yes, but they're all yours. I don't have anyone to myself, Jongin. Isn't that really pathetic?"

Jongin's breath hitches in his throat and the words he really wants to say die on his tongue.

But I'm yours.