the tears ; and the blood

Shade I

Today's a little different

the crescent moon appeared at the other side of the velvet dark sky.

Vibrant yellow and orange,
Just there, contrasting with the skies.

It feels a little different, beautiful as always but a little odd.

I took another glance at it, and another.

Have you reached there yet? I hope you did, with much lesser pain than you were suffering through with every movement on earth; I hope you didn't have anymore muscles to contract.

I hoped you could express your bubbly soul without pain holding you back, without the ugly reality of living; without the end of living. Were there miles and miles of land for you to make use of your muscular thighs on? Was there him, your friend, who never looked interested to see me while you barked and wagged with every presence you were graced?

I hope you will never cry again. It wasn't your fault, and I

I just want you to know that, no matter where you are now.

You're a warrior, you know? Loving people and defending them with all you have, even when you have half of you already almost dead, and you're already having troubles walking. Not everyone would protect so fiercely now. You're a warrior.

With your eyes almost impaired, your body already barely surviving through a stroke, your muscles barely cooperating and ever so often, it just cramps suddenly. You're frustrated at all the things you can't do now, protecting your weakening, vulnerable state. You still growl, howl, bark. Hey, you never gave up fighting things that you thought were fighting you and your chance to express yourself. It was just you having the lack of knowledge about it growing in you, and it can't be fought outside your body. You can't do anything to help, you most likely won't understand. You try anyway- I'll always admire you for that.

I hoped you could see how I saw your energetic, bubbly and open soul slowly deplete to being so defensive and angry at people,

sometimes even angry at yourself, growling in frustration because you're unable to express.

I know, I know you left earth for the better, to lessen the pain of what you've been suffering for these few months.

Maybe I'm writing this in tears because I feel guilty of not allowing you the human touch that you might have appreciated and deserved; maybe it's because I regret not cooing you even after so many years of living, barking, howling and growling next door.

There are countless of maybes I could write, and none would bring you back.

I hope I could meet you as a best friend next time. For now, you were my closest 'man's best friend' Best Friend. It's been less than a day, and I still miss your howls.