The Realest Book Reviews You'll Ever Really Read

"Noah: The Black Rose and the Half Dead" by @Kititata87

Okay.

What the heck did I just read?

Honey noooooo.

I can't even start.

This isn't going to be a very pleasant review. 

The only nice thing I can say is that the cover is hella cute.

Aside from that, sorry.

1. The intro on the first chapter. What. The. Heck. I don't know if you were just trying to do that thing where you set a mood right from the start. But I mean this in the nicest way possible.

You failed at it. Woefully. 

That intro makes me want to smash my device into pieces and bleed from my eyes. 

It's especially that first sentence. The second sentence is kind of ok. But the first, I've read better.

2. The author doesn't develop Noah as a character. At all.

 All we know from the story about him is that he is half vampire, he carries around a black rose, and that he killed his mom.

The real Noah is a mystery to us all.

3. This is a positive one. The last paragraph of the first chapter. Mmmmmmm, delicious. It is everything the first sentence should have been. I hope you're taking notes.

4. What??? The story is um..... unique? I mean I certainly haven't read anything like this in my life. Not that I'm complaining, though.

I mean it's a very..... different story idea. And kudos to you for coming up with something so creative. But you took a good idea, and basically dragged it around in mud. 

This book just leaves me in a stump. I don't know whether to feel creeped out or nauseous. 

I just don't know. 

The writing isn't the best either. 

5. The author doesn't make Noah seem the slightest bit realistic. Yes I know, being half vampire isn't very realistic but there was a paragraph in the story where it said something like," Noah was six at the time" and apparently, this "six-year-old half vampire" was seriously in his feels. He was uttering words that shouldn't be coming out of a six year old's mouth. Words that you would find in an AP English textbook. Vampire or not. Also she could do with some commas.

I just feel that the author doesn't understand Noah yet herself. It's like writing an autobiography about a stranger. You know?

This book honestly needs some work.

Know that I didn't say any of this to be mean.

I'm just giving my honest opinion of this book like you wanted me to.

I rest my case.

Demi, the realest book reviewer you'll ever really meet.