Matters of the Heart

Chapter 17: Death Ain't Nothin' But a Heartbeat Away

Chapter 17:

Death Ain't Nothin' But a Heartbeat Away

Emily's mom called her to check in when the news of Nicole's death broke that afternoon. She'd seen it on the news and recognized Nicole's name and photo. She told Emily if she wanted to postpone their weekend dinner, she'd understand. Emily thought the suggestion to hold off on dinner was as much for her mother as it was for her, though Pam didn't mention their conversation about Emily dropping out of school once. The only thing she talked about was how badly she felt for Nicole's parents.

"Her mom and dad must be devastated," Pam said sadly. "I can't even imagine. No parent should have to outlive their child."

Emily cringed as Pam talked about Nicole's parents being left to grieve their daughter. If something happened to her she wasn't sure how her mother would be able to go on living. One of Emily's biggest fears about her heart problems wasn't that she could die, but that if she did die...she'd be leaving her mother all alone.

Pam ended their conversation by asking Emily if she could have Nicole's parents' contact information so she could send them something to show her sympathy. Emily told her she'd get the information and get back to her. Before they hung up Pam made it a point to tell Emily she loved her, which made Emily feel like crap because of all the lies she'd been telling her.

Eventually she knew she was going to have to talk to her mom about Pepperdine...and everything else, but for the moment Pam's focus had shifted from one problem to another. Nicole's death had granted Emily a reprieve for a little while, but her mother would want to talk more when Emily was ready.

She wasn't sure she'd ever be ready to tell her mom what she was going through. She'd thought about getting her plastered on wine to help lessen the blow, but Pam was very reserved about her alcohol intake ever since she'd gotten locked in the DiLaurentis basement with Ella Montgomery, Veronica Hastings, and Ashley Marin. The girls still couldn't talk about how their mothers had gotten out of that basement without dying in hysterics. Their mothers did not find it as humorous.

Emily didn't bring up the conversation she'd had with her mom or her run-in with Tanner to Alison. She spent most of the day talking to Ali about her summer with Nicole. It felt weird to miss someone she hadn't seen in so long, but they had built more than houses together. They'd built a friendship that Emily had really needed at that point in her life. They had really bonded that summer.

"She was the kind of friend who you could go for months without speaking to, but the second you met up with her again it's like you hadn't missed a beat," Emily explained. "She was just a positive person who saw the light in every situation. But she wasn't so obsessed with the good that she was naïve to the bad. When I talked to her about Maya she didn't try to sugarcoat it and tell me everything was going to be okay. She just let me feel what I was feeling."

Emily had always felt like a part of her had died with Maya. She paused when she realized she'd brought up her old girlfriend. Was it weird to be talking about her to Ali? She looked into Alison's patient blue eyes to try and get a read on what was going on through her head. Her face was unwavering. She mindlessly traced her fingers along Emily's arms to comfort her. As if she could tell what Emily was thinking, she smiled softly and assured her it was okay.

"I know you loved her," she said. "I know how much it destroyed you when she died." She swallowed hard. "I never told you this, but I was there that night...when they found her."

"What?" Emily stared at her in surprise.

"I found out there was a bunch of activity happening in the neighborhood and I heard the police dispatch emergency response units to your house," she explained. "I was terrified that something had happened to you. I knew it was a risk, but I came anyway."