Games of Power and Prowess

Chapter 8: Don't Flatter Yourself

One good thing about my mum being gone for long periods of time is that I don't have to worry about making up an excuse to stay home if I don't want to go to school. And today, I really don't want to go.

Natalie hates me. With good reason, but it still hurts. I'm nothing but a distraction to her. Maybe she's right. Maybe I am only distracting her. I mean, she has a whole ass husband! The only thing that would make this more forbidden would be if she had kids. She practically does, with Gnocchi.

What was I thinking? There's no reason for me to even be near her anymore. I wasn't doing much even when I was legitimately assisting her. Even then, I kept getting disturbed by her trying to tease me in some way or trying to get me to stop, telling me I look cute while I work. And she has the nerve to call me a distraction. If anything, she was the one who is the distraction.

If we kept going on and got caught, I would probably have to move schools because of the comments people would say to be and behind my back. A new school in the middle of senior year would be the absolute worst thing. This is a good thing. Not being together has saved us both from a painful- more painful- ending to whatever we were doing together.

But that's the thing; we were in it together. I don't get to use that word a lot besides group projects or something like that. I don't become too close to anyone and for me to let her in and to let her see me in one of the most vulnerable human states, turned on, was a big deal. How could she just throw that away?

I fall back against my bed with a heavy sigh. Staring at the ceiling isn't something I do often, but I really should. It's quite therapeutic. I then look over at the posters on my wall, the framed photos on my bookshelf of memories almost forgotten. With all the time I spend in my room, one would imagine that I am fairly familiar with the decorations in here but I don't think I am.

I stand up and walk around the room, searching for anything to get my mind off the certain sting I feel in my heart when I think of Natalie and also to help the time pass. At least going to school keeps my mind occupied so I don't notice how long a minute is, or an hour.

I pass my hand over the bookshelf in the corner and pick up a random book, opening it and hoping to find myself lost in its world within moment. My mind, however, is too focused on the sound of Natalie telling me she didn't want to even look at me. Remembering there was a time where she couldn't bare to keep her eyes off me. How I wish to go back to that time. I watch as a tear falls onto my arm and rolls onto the hardwood floor beneath me.

This is just too depressing. I'm going to do something that always makes me happy. Dressing up in super hot outfits and checking myself out in the mirror. I check the time and sigh when it's only 8.30 in the morning. I have too much time on my hands and no one to spend it with.

I walk over to my dresser and pull out my favourite clothes, searching for outfits within those items. Pulling my hair up into a loose braid, I hold up the black dress to my half-naked body and nod, putting it over my head quickly. I don't wear dresses too often but when I do, there better be some medics on standby because my legs are killer. Then, I look around at the jackets I have out. It's pretty cold out as we get closer to autumn weather so I should probably cover up. I pick up my grey long coat with thin white lines all over. Finally, I pull on my favourite black boots to make the outfit less formal looking.

Looking at my accomplished work in the full body mirror, I twist and contort my body to see it from all angles. I look damn fine. How could Natalie give this up?

Actually, you know what? I really don't care about what she did. What's done is done and I'm gonna move on. With this outfit, I could get any girl I wanted, I shouldn't focus on the unattainable.