Drowning in Guilt

Surfacing

Chapter 1

"Come on Lexi," I whined. "It's getting dark out."

"So, we brought flashlights. Now get back in!" Lexi said laughing as she splashed water up at me.

"Stop!" I screeched down at her. "I just dried off."

"Fine if you want me out your just gonna have to come in and drag me out." She shouted before diving under.

"Ugh! I'm not coming in Lexi!" I yelled at the dark murky water where she had been treading in her bright pink bikini.

There was no response.

"Alexis quit fooling around!" I shouted again, squinting my eyes at the water below. I searched but couldn't make out any movement. The dam was still, not even a ripple. The sky was starting to get dark fast.

It felt like a lifetime that I had been standing on the rocky steep searching. She couldn't hold her breath this long. She must have come up on the other side. I climbed up the rocky steep to get the flashlight from her pack on the bridge. I stumbled a bit due to the lack of light. It was almost completely dark now, the only light was from the starry sky, and even that wasn't much. I was almost to the top when my foot slipped. I fell into the rocks, my hands breaking the fall. Silently I swore, my left palm stung, I looked down to see the open wound leaking blood. It wasn't anything major so I wiped it on my jeans ignoring it for now. I finally made it to the bridge, ripped open Lexi's pack, breaking the zipper in my haste. I rummaged around and finally managed to grasp the handle. I flicked on the flashlight and pointed it at the other side. I ran it up and down the rocky edge; but there was nothing.

"Lexi!" I screamed, my voice breaking a bit at the end.

I stumbled down the rocks to the waters edge. My feet tangled in my hurry and I was thrown into the cool water.

My head broke through the surface and I was surrounded by the dark again. I looked down to see the flashlight sinking deeper and deeper into the cloudy water. Just as I was about to swim back to the edge I saw a flash of pink in the ray of the flashlight as it hit the bottom. A smile spread across my face. Busted Lexi. I took a deep breath and dove down feeling my way around where I thought I had seen the pink of Lexi's suit. The deeper I swam, the cooler the water got. Finally skin on skin contact. I grabbed hard onto what felt like Lexi's arm. Success burst through me only to be interrupted by confusion. Why wasn't she struggling, trying to break free of my grasp. By now my chest was pounding, demanding air. Panic ran through me. Something wasn't right. Lexi should be responding to my touch. I grabbed hold of her arm with both hands and started kicking to the surface. One problem - we weren't moving. I starting thrashing around as I pulled her, I couldn't breath. My lungs felt as if they were going to cave in, I needed air. Finally whatever it was that held Lexi down released her and I made my way to the surface as fast as I could, tugging her along.

As my head broke the surface, my body - out of reflex - greedily sucked in all the air it could, in attempt to fill my lungs. I was struggling to stay above water, but Lexi's weight was pulling me back down.

"Lexi wake up!" I screamed, though it came out barley louder then a whisper.

I managed to pull her onto the rocks. As I looked down at her face a sob caught in my throat.

"Lexi?" I whispered. Her once tan complexion now had a grey tint to it. Her eyes were closed, there were dark purple circles surrounding them.

"No! Wake up!" I wailed as I shook her heavy body. She was only 105 lbs but it felt like she weighed much more now. Her dark hair was plastered to her face, I moved it aside brushing my hand down the side of her face.

"Lexi! Lexi, open your eyes!" I sobbed into her chest.

"Jenna! Jenna!" I opened my eyes as I was brought out of my nightmare. Leaning over me was Mich, my room mate. Her normally perfect golden ringlets were frizzed and scattered about as she sat at the edge of my bed looking at me with tired, yet concerned blue eyes.

"Sorry," I said as I sat up, pulling my wet shirt away from my skin. "Gross."

"You really should go see a psychiatrist or something." She said, covering her mouth as she yawned.

"I have, six." I replied with a yawn.

"You gonna be okay now? I kinda have a guest over." Mich flashed me a seductive smile.

"Yes," I laughed. "Go entertain your guest." I replied, emphasizing the word 'entertain'.

Mich bolted for the door without a glance back. This was nothing new to either of us. It was practically a ritual. Mich has been my roommate for the past two years, my best friend other then Lexi, for the past four years. Still, I had never confided to her what happened the night Lexi died. It will be five years this June. That horrific night replays over and over in my mind, there is no escaping it. After I had realized Lexi was dead everything slowed down, time stopped and my mind went numb. Everything was a blur, I can only pick out bits and pieces of the rest of that night. I was in a stupor, nothing anyone said made since. I couldn't grasp that Lexi was gone. That I had lost my best friend. Her death has haunted me most nights since then. Along with the painful memory of her funeral. I will never forget the torn look on Jay's face as his sister was lowered into the ground. His serene blue eyes hadn't shed a tear through the service, but when her casket started to descend I noticed a single tear trickle down his cheek.

Shaking the memory away I slip out from under the now sweat soaked sheets and made my way to the bathroom Mich and I shared in our small apartment. After peeling off the drenched clothing I climbed into the shower and slowly exhaled as the warm water trickled down my skin.

I peeked out of the bathroom to make sure Mich's 'guest' wasn't in the hall before I made my way back to my room, wrapped in a large black towel. As I started pulling a pair of dark blue jeans on my phone went off, vibrating on my dresser. I picked it up looking at the caller ID. It was Dad. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Hey Dad." I said with false cheer into the phone.

"Hey sweetheart." He replied, his voice sounding off.

"Is everything okay?" I questioned.

"Well no, not really. Your Grandma Jones passed away last night." His voice was filled with sadness.

Grandma Jones was my fathers mother. She had lived with Dad and I before I deserted them to move in with Mom. I felt so guilty leaving them, but after Lexi's death I just couldn't stay in that town anymore. So I moved to California and finished out high-school with my Mom. I haven't been back since I left - five years ago.

"I know this is asking a lot, but would you come home for her funeral?" His voice cracked as he pleaded, "I could really use you right now."

I didn't know how to respond. I couldn't go back. I just couldn't.

"Dad -" I started hesitantly.

"Please Jenna." His voice barely above a whisper.

"Okay." I answered with a sigh.

copyright © 2010 Kelly Heinen

I hope you liked the first chapter. If there are any errors or if it totally sucks please let me know. And if you like it pleeeaaassseee vote and comment!!!!