Complexes

“Jordaaaan, wake up!” I heard my father shout.

I was only half asleep but I knew it meant trouble. He wasn’t a very pleasant dad to have. Once I say something to him it’s always the blade.

I got out of the bed while listening to what was going on downstairs. I heard my two younger siblings wail about breakfast not going on.

I walked out of my room and down the stairs making sure I didn’t make an unnecessary noise.

“Jordan, get your ass down here already. It’s breakfast!” He yelled once more. I stopped at a family picture and as usual. I’m not in any of them.I took a deep breath before walking into the kitchen.

I saw what was on the table. Lavish food like peppered ham. Biscuits with a side of scrambled eggs and smoked sausages. I didn’t notice I was drooling til I heard my younger brother Ty yell “Mom, Jordan’s drooling again!”

I grabbed the hem of my shirt and wiped it off.

I saw my mom give me a disapproving look and she just kept reading her mystery book.

“Good morning Jordan.” She murmured flipping the pages on her book.

“Good Morning mom” I smiled before sitting down.

“Jordan, you know what you need to do before you eat.” My dad hissed.

I knew it. I thought he’d forget. After all. It hurts a lot and I hate it.

I walked to where he was sitting and showed him my wrists.

He grabbed a blade he always used when he did this. He grazed it across my skin on my wrist. It didn’t start to bleed til he dug deeper. I winced. “You’re getting better at this now aren’t you?” He laughed while putting the medicine on it. My family didn’t seem phased by it. It’s no wonder. We’ve been doing this every day for four years.

I looked at how my blood flowed out of my skin. It was like I wanted to cut more and more.

I wasn’t the type to self-harm since I had no reason to. But after doing it for so long, I wanted more. “Come on Jordan, Eat and don’t forget your medicine when you go back to your room.” My dad said while he got done eating and washed his dishes before walking to the living room to watch whatever show he watches.

“Ok.” I replied. I didn’t like talking to him since his way of lashing out is to force it on me. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t deserve it. No one does. Not in this house.

I kept staring at the cuts. 1,464 and probably many more all over my body. That’s where I lost count. 8 months ago.

Why don’t I do anything?

I couldn’t. I have no power to stop him. I was fairly built but I’m weak. Inside and out.

I lost my appetite again, My mom was eyeing me but I paid no attention. She never helped.

I took the orange cylinder that contained the pills for me to sleep.

The sun was still barely coming up over the mountain. It would  hit my room first since it’s the only one faced where the sun would rise. A pleasant sight but there were times where I wanted it to be just dark, Pitch black so nothing so pure like ‘light’ come near me.

I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. Why bother doing this? I don’t really talk to anyone. and vice-versa. I saw a text pop up from my phone. It was from Oliver. It read “Hey, you wanna play Battlefield with me later? I just got the map pack finally and I think you should come over and check it out.” I smiled. Same old Oliver, always excited to see what game had an update. I read it again and locked my phone. Maybe later I’ll text him.