What Do Readers Want?

Don't Swear at your Readers!

A lot of people like the book 'Pride and Prejudice' by Jane Austin. Even more like the movies or TV series based on the book, or the revised version of it with added zombies. But in spite of Jane Austin's long-lasting popularity, how good a writer can she be? In the whole book, not once does any character call another character a mother-[effer].

Other great writers have the same problem. They went their whole writing careers without dropping f-bombs. It's only in very recent times that writers are even allowed to exercise their potty-mouths in their writing. And very young readers, who may have been raised by a school system that no longer considers the traditional swears to be bad language, don't notice. They may notice if you are not currently up-to-date on your politically correct euphemisms, however.

But many readers do notice swearing, and take offense. Why? Because swear words are traditionally used when picking a fight. They are designed to cause offense. And when a person is around someone he respects, like his pastor or his wife, he tones down the barnyard language. So, in effect, when your characters use swearwords, it's you-the-author swearing at the reader. And swearing at another person signals hostility and a lack of respect.

Of course, some writers use swears anyway. And some readers avoid reading those writers, or if they do, they won't recommend them to their friends or grandchildren. Swearing writers think they are being realistic by letting characters use swears. But then they are not all that realistic. They may show their characters swearing, but they don't show their characters using the toilet a realistic number of times, or brushing their teeth multiple times each story day. How realistic can a story be without toilet flushing sounds and dental hygiene?

But what if you have a character who you think will swear a lot? There are ways to make that apparent without the risk of making your readers feel sworn-at. For example, instead of repeating your character's swears, you can say, 'he swore.' Or, 'he uttered some words that could blister paint.' In other words, let your readers' own minds provide the swears.

It's kind of like the movie 'Jaws.' They built this big fake shark, but it didn't work reliably. So in a lot of scenes, the shark was more implied than visually present. And most people agree that made the movie scarier. By the same token, making your readers imagine the swearing can make your work grittier. Your readers may know dirtier words than you do!

Another alternative is to give standard euphemisms for the foul language. You can mention a character called someone a 'female dog.' Most readers know what word was really used! Or you can use 'S-word' or 'F-word' to indicate certain bad words. Of course, you shouldn't do this many times. It's like in the Simpsons where Sideshow Bob calls his prison a 'urine-soaked hell hole' and a member of the parole board admonishes him for not saying 'pee-pee soaked heck hole.' That ends up just being funny. But if you only once mention that your character called a nun a 'female dog' or 'the C-word,' then you are showing what sort of character is and how he speaks without making a whole section of your potential readers throw the book into the fire. Which can be expensive for your readers if they are reading the book on Wattpad or on their Kindle!

There is one trick I noticed twice in one month from writers who were devout Catholics. The writer used the F-word. Once. All four letters. In the first chapter. And then both writers got on with the story with no more f-bombs in the whole book. It showed that the writers weren't always self-censoring, but they didn't have a vocabulary from the gutter, either. If you write gritty realism, feel free to let your characters do loads of Really Bad Things. Some people do. And some readers show interest in such things. Even little old ladies who wouldn't say 'S-word!' if they fell into a vat of the stuff can be addicted to books about murders. You just have to take care to use vocabulary that doesn't put off a major subset of potential readers!