Losing my Mind

Chapter 1: How it all Started

Stiles decided that maybe today would be a good day to walk to school, he didn't want to risk hurting anyone, or himself for that matter by being distracted and in his own head while driving his Jeep. Thinking and driving is a safety hazard. His dad had offered to let him stay home for the day but he denied the opportunity, he would not show weakness, he refused to.

He wasn't gonna let grief take over, burying him in a shell of his own self-pity and depression. No, what he needed was to be distracted, and what better way to do that than to go to school like a normal snot-nose-kid and think about economics, science and a whole lot more shit that teenagers are supposed to think about at school.

He slipped his hand into his pocket and dug around for a second before extracting his earphones which he hurriedly connected to his phone and switched his music to shuffle, he found it more exciting to not know what was coming next. Yet, also extremely worrisome... especially in certain deadly situations.

He walked quickly and quietly down the road trying to take his mind off things as the song Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day played loudly in his ears, he looked around as the feeling of being watched tore through his soul but realised he was completely and utterly alone.

He continued walking, taking a quick turn into the woods, over the restricted sign and continuing on, humming silently to the song as it played, but soon something inside him twisted and a wave of sadness and grief crashed down upon him, drowning him in a pit of darkness and he realised that he was truly and utterly alone; no one cared, they were all too busy with their own problems to even recognise the signs. Or for that matter the chemo signals. It didn't help that he was the only normal one, nothing useful about him, nothing special about him, nothing unique, nothing...

The song drowned away in the buzz of self-hatred and all that droned through his head was alone, repeating over and over, screaming.

His heart began to race as if he was running a marathon, his body became hot and sweaty, his hands shook as if he had been in Antarctica for a few minutes without a jacket to protect him from the immense cold, he became dizzy and nauseous, his mind raced and his chest tightened uncomfortably.

He looked around frantically for help but realised he was still in the woods and all hope seemed to be lost, his legs buckled underneath him and he crumbled down onto the leaf strewn ground, on his hands and knees.

He started thinking about all the crap that has happened since Scott got bitten, about his dad, his sacrifice, the darkness, his mom...

His heart thumped loudly against his ribs, his chest tightened even more and it felt as if the air was being ripped out of his lungs. He gasped for breath but nothing entered and the world around him started to fade to black, swallowing him into an abis of impending darkness.

Sti-les... S-Stiles... Help me Stiles... Stiles
Let me in...
LET ME IN!

Stiles awoke abruptly, pulling himself out of the darkness and into the light, he felt a sharp pain on the side of his neck but was too caught up in his own thoughts to pay it any mind, he looked around and realised he was still in the woods. He noticed a stream nearby that indicated-from walking through these woods for many years now-that he was close to the school, he looked at his watch after feeling an itch in the back of his head telling him he's wasted time, to no avail he was 3 and a half hours late for school.

Great.

He quickly got up off the ground, wiping his forehead free of the dirt and sweat that rested upon it.

This was normal for him, the panic attacks, but what was unusual was that he hadn't had one in a long time and he found it strange that he was having them now, he figured it was because of the importance of the day.

He found that his face was wet from crying which he hadn't realised before but made no effort to wipe the stray tears away.

He ran off through the woods and didn't stop as he passed the edge, it took a while to get to school but he made it, he ran through the school realising that he had History now.

He got to Mr Yukimura's classroom and barged through the door in his haste, everyone stopped and stared at him as if he had committed some huge crime. He noted that Scott, Lydia, Kira, and the twins were in this class.

Shit..

Everyone looked at Stiles with concern as he appeared to be unhealthily pale with dark circles around his eyes, face slightly wet from what looked like crying and was bleeding from a deep looking cut on the side of his neck.

"Sorry I'm so late.." Stiles said stiffly, trying to ignore the sharp stares, as his chest heaved, crying out for breaths.

"Mr. Stilinski, are you ok?" Mr. Yukimura asked, also having noticed his appearance.

"Perfectly fine" Stiles lied easily as he forcibly placed a smile on his face.

He walked in only to sit at an empty desk at the back, away from most people.

"You may carry on" Stiles said quickly, feeling everyone's stares burning into him as he fidgeted in his seat before taking out his books and quickly wiping his face clear of any signs of crying.

Stay calm, stay distracted, stay sane...