The Pain of Regret

Two: Separate Ways

Aidan

She’s surrounded. There’s no way she’ll be able to get herself out of this one. Perhaps by now she will have realised her huge mistake in deciding to betray the kingdom. No one is there to save her this time. Surely Myra must surrender soon. Unless she jumps off the bridge, but even she’s not stupid enough to do that…is she?

Myra jumps off the bridge. Of course she does. Why was I even surprised? She’s just as stupidly brave as ever. The soldiers look down confusedly, wondering if she’ll surface anytime soon, but she doesn’t. Despite myself, I pray that she lives. 

I find that I still care about her, after all this time. 

The soldiers cheer, thinking that they’ve defeated her at last, but I know that it’s not that easy to kill her. She wouldn’t have jumped if she hadn’t known that she’d survive. I know her well. Myra values her own life more than anything else.

She is selfish. She always has been. 

I still remember that day, all those years ago, as if it were yesterday. She asked me to join her, no, commanded me to. She had told me that if I didn’t, she would kill me the next time we met. But how could I betray my family, betray everyone I cared about? She left without so much as a goodbye, and I never saw her again after that. Until today.

Seriously, what was she thinking, attacking the castle like this? In broad daylight, no less.

I realise that I’m gripping the railing of my balcony so hard that my knuckles are white. Sighing, I go back into my chamber and slump down on my bed. I should probably get some rest. The king will make me go track her down, as soon as he realises that she’s not actually dead. However long that takes.

Being the king’s tracker means that I get to live in relative comfort. I live in one of the more luxurious chambers of the castle, but the wealth is not the reason why I stay here. I hate having to follow the king’s orders. King Tarquin is not a good man, to say it nicely. He gets what he wants, no matter what it takes. I hate working for him, but I don’t have a choice. When he recruited me, the king said that he would keep an eye on my family. That pretty much means that if I ever disobey an order, or do something even slightly suspicious, he will kill my family. So basically, I’m forced to work for him.

I track down the people he tells me to find, capture them and bring them back to the castle. Then I turn around and pretend I don’t what will happen to them, that I don’t know that they are tortured and killed. It’s horrible, especially as most of the people are innocent. I’ve even had to capture children before. Children who did nothing wrong. It’s all so unjust. I’ve turned into nothing more than a monster, a brainless coward. I envy Myra’s bravery. She had the courage to do what was right. A courage I will never have. 

I hate what I do, but I have no choice. I could never forgive myself if my family are hurt because of me. 

----------------------

Just as I expected, the king calls on me early the next morning. It’s not even light yet. Not that I slept much, anyway. I couldn’t stop thinking about Myra. We used to be so close, but what would she say if she sees me now? 

Her voice keeps echoing in my mind. Join me, Aidan, she had said, all those years ago. Oh Myra, how I wish I could. But I can’t just leave my family to die. 

Half asleep, I stumble into the king’s throne room. He’s reclining on his throne, having his feet massaged by some poor soul. He frowns when he sees me. 

“Took your time there, didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry, your majesty.” I bend in a low bow, feeling the king’s eyes bore into me. 

King Tarquin yawns, and look me up and down, taking in my dishevelled appearance.

“Bad sleep last night?” The sides of his mouth twitch upwards in a smirk. Gods, I hate him.

“Anyway,” the king stands up abruptly, causing his foot massager to stumble backwards in surprise. After sending his foot massager a look of distaste, the king turns to me. “I suppose you know why I called you here today. That wretch who tried to kill me yesterday, apparently she survived the fall. Though I can’t for the life of me imagine how.”

I dig my nails into my palms and avert my eyes, trying, once again, to stop myself from punching him in the face. 

“I want you go after her, and bring her back here.” He smirks. “And make sure you make her suffer. I imagine you know what will happen if you should fail.” 

“Yes, your majesty.” I barely manage to keep my voice steady. 

He makes me agree to let some soldiers come with me. Protectors, he says, as if I can’t protect myself. But that’s not really their purpose. They’re not there to keep me safe; they’re there to make sure I don’t reveal any secret information to anyone, to decide to run away. The king doesn’t trust me, just as I don’t trust him. I think he purposely chose the biggest idiots in the whole army, just to irk me. 

We leave just after dawn, me and about ten other soldiers. We sail down the river in one of the ships in the king’s navy. The king ignored my attempts to try and convince him that taking one of his ships will only draw too much attention to us. He wants it to be a message or something. 

Looking out from the bow of the ship, I can’t help but wonder what I will say to Myra when I meet her again. 

If she doesn’t kill me first.