The Three of Me

I was at the museum, the worst place in the world for someone like me. A part of me enjoyed the art that surrounded me, a part of me wanted to see what it would look like if it was on fire and the rest of me just worried. I nibbled at my bottom lip and glanced around nervously. Experience had taught me that when you tell someone you're worried about wrecking things they will lock you up and look at you like you were crazy so it was better to just pretend that the people in my head didn't exist.

Do it, you know you want to.

It's so pretty.

Shut up.

I knew mentally screaming shut up at them wouldn't work but it didn't stop me from trying. Every now and then I break and decide to entertain myself by talking to them. The one who always tried to convince me to do bad stuff was Tracy and the nice one was Mia. They were both girls who had their own back stories but neither of them knew how they came to reside in my head. It was frustrating; I really wished they would leave.

I suddenly moved forward as if I was shoved and my nose almost pressed against the painting. Mia's voice was full of awe when she said: This one is beautiful.

I shook my head and pulled back so I could actually see the picture instead of the individual brush strokes. Starry Night by Vincent Van Gough, even I could appreciate the beauty in it but at the same time I felt a desire to pour water over it just to see the colours bleed. I felt both these things but I was never sure if they were my feelings or not.

'Jess!' Someone hissed at me, I was barely able to turn my head away from the painting to look at who had called me.

'Yeah?' I responded, my voice sounded drugged, hollow and slightly slurred. Jasmine glared back with her arms crossed.

'You need to keep up or else they will send out a search party. You know how weird our brothers are about that.' She told me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me along.

There are stairs over there. Where do you think they lead? Tracy asked and my body came to a stop of its own volition. I stared fixatedly at the stairs.

'Jess?' 

Not taking my eyes off of the staircase, I said to her: 'I just need to go to the bathroom, I'll catch up.'

'Okay, just make sure you catch up before they notice.' She said as I walked off.

Where do you think they go? Tracey asked again.

'Stairs usually lead up.' I said out loud, a lady overheard me and gave me a strange look. She isn't the first to ever look at me like that and I could guarantee that she wouldn't be the last. Not fully in control of my own body I walked up the staircase.

I bet there's a great view. Mia sounded happy, just like she always did. It was their eagerness to see where the stairs lead that propelled my body forward, I didn't stop them because I was a little curious myself.

There will be a beautiful view. Tracy exaggerated the word 'beautiful' dragging it out unnecessarily. She chuckled and I started to feel a little nervous. Our pace slowed but didn't stop.

'Maybe we should go back to the group.' I suggested.

I want to see the view!

Let's show her the view, Tracy still sounded like she had an ulterior motive but I sighed and gave in. I walked to the top of the staircase, not opening any of the doors that were at each landing. I was thankful that I only had to walk up four flights of stairs to reach the roof. 

I opened the last door stumbling when a gust of wind caught it and ripped it out of my hands, slamming it against the wall. I didn't fall over, instead I stumbled a few steps then righted myself. I looked around and saw that I was alone. I also saw that there were no railings. Both these things wouldn't have disturbed me singularly but when I was in a situation where I was both alone and up high without railings I got a little more that worried.

'Okay we've seen the view, time to go.' I turned away but couldn't move forward. I grit my teeth, I had most of the control but if they both sided against my wishes it made it almost impossible to move. Almost was not impossible, however, I heard my shoe scrape across the dirt as I slowly moved it in the direction of the staircase.

Can't we get a little closer to the edge? All I can see is the roof. Mia asked, I wondered if she had a death wish. Tracy couldn't be trusted near edges without a rail or outsider supervision.

'Why don't we get Jasmine and we can all see it together. I'm sure she would want to see.' I said talking out loud was something I did only when I was alone or when I knew someone who knew me wouldn't over hear. They think I'm fixed and I didn't want to disappoint them.

I want to see it now. Mia whined in my head and I felt the oncoming's of a headache. Again, I sighed, I couldn't deny Mia and her childlike innocence. I knew it was a bad idea; I should have followed what my instincts told me and left. As soon as I stepped close to the edge it felt like someone pushed me and I was free falling, the ground swam up to meet me. I could hear a ringing in my ears that cut off at my landing. Tracy's evil cackling echoed in my mind and Mia cried...

I woke up surrounded by the harsh lights of the emergency room. I had no idea how long I had been out but silence greeted me. It was loud in the emergency room but it was dead silent in my mind, for now, there were no voices. I was elated and scared. Where were they? Were they coming back?

'Jess,' I turned my head and met my brothers eyes. He had a lovely deep voice that always worked to sooth me, 'what happened today?'

That's what I loved most about him, he didn't judge me, he asked first. He was going to be pissed at the answer which was: 'Tracy pushed me.'

His face instantly changed from opened and understanding to a scowl; 'you told me they weren't there anymore.'

'They had been behaving!' I said loudly wondering vaguely why I was defending them.

'Jess, you aren't supposed to hear or be influenced by them, they aren't real.' He snapped, his voice unusually harsh, 'you did this to yourself!'

I stared, my mouth agape and that's when Mia came back crying hysterically.

'Why don't you die in a hole, Assface?' I snapped without thought, I clapped my hands over my mouth. I didn't say that.

I don't care how nice he usually is, no one says im not real and gets away with it. Tracy growled.

My brother sighed; it was a sad sigh that seemed to come from deep within his soul.

His haunted blue eyes met my scared ones and when he spoke his voice was dead, 'when your injuries heal they are putting you into the mental ward.'

He stood up and went to leave.

'I'm not crazy Jake!' I yelled and could feel the force of the others in my head agreeing with me with their own cries of outrage. 'I'm not crazy!'

He stopped at the door and looked back at me, 'what sane person jumps off a building?'

He left without waiting for an answer I still screamed after him, hoping he would be able to hear me.

'It was Tracy! She pushed me! I'm not crazy! Jake! I'm not! I swear!' the whole time I struggled with the bonds that tied me to the bed. I kept screaming incoherently, struggling to get out when the nurses on staff finally had enough and injected me with something to make se sleep.

'I'm not crazy.' I mumbled before surrendering to the drug induced haze.