Short Stories

Public Speaking

I can't do public speaking. I get really nervous before hand. I also get very anxious. Sometimes my anxiety gets so bad, I will have a panic attack. A panic attack, for me, is absolutely TERRIBLE. I start crying and shaking uncontrollably, and don't even mention the after math of it. After I'm done crying, I still shake. I will keep shaking for, maybe, if I'm lucky, only two days. The day right after the panic/anxiety attack, my body feels like I got beat up and bruised. Especially my face, from crying.
 
  So, when I'm told that I have to do a presentation, well, I start freaking out. Every time on the end of B-Day, when I'm in my 4th Period (Speech), I always have to go to the bathroom.
 
  Well, you might say, "That's not surprising, everyone has to use the bathroom."

  Yeah, but I don't go in there to just, "Use the bathroom," I go in there to calm myself down, before I have a panic attack. The panic attacks aren't only because of the stress and worry of having to speak in front of a large group of judgy teenagers. (Although it's mostly the reason.) They are also because my teacher is basically always screaming for the kids to shut up. When she isn't screaming, the kids are all talking loudly. They all try to talk over each other, and when they do that, they steadily get louder until they are all yelling over each other. So there is always a constant sound of voices. Think of it this way...you know those movies where people have a little angel on one shoulder and a little demon on the other and the try to talk over each other to try to get you to do what they want? Yeah, just imagine you have an angel and demon o your shoulder and they are constantly fighting and yelling over each other to try to get you to do what they want. Its really bad. Well, for me, anyways.

  I can't take really loud noises. I can't take constant yelling. The yelling and screaming from my teacher and classmates gives me a huge headache and it also triggers my PTSD.

  When I was little, my step dad and mom used to fight and yell all the time. They would do that almost everyday and when that happened I would either sit in my room or stay close to my brothers crying, traumatized, and shaking... Basically having a panic attack without knowing it, because I was little, about 7 to 10 years old. When I was that little, I was a bright, optimistic, happy child, so I had no idea what a panic attack or anything bad was.

  In my class, everyone talks over each other, even when someone else is reading, doing a presentation or anything else. In the end, you never feel respected by these kids, not even a little bit.